The prompt “that’s a hell of a way to loose a tooth” was given to Daniel Landes by Brian Polk.
Good Dick, Bad Man
“Say pal, why don’t you start from the beginning?” The detective wore Dockers and an Indiana Jones leather jacket. He had a Brian Bosworth haircut thirty years after ‘the Boz’ rocked one. His aftershave reminded me of date rape. I started up with the “well in the beginning, my mom met my dad and they had sex” gag, but this virile chunk of sports cut me off quick with, “Fucking with me is a hell of a way to loose a tooth pal.”
Sobered, I started over.
“Like every afternoon we went for a walk. We headed toward the park. It was a lovely fall afternoon. She had been cooped up in the apartment, doing god knows what, so was excited to get out and stretch her legs. She stopped multiple times to smell the flowers and say hello to strangers.” The detective was nodding his head taking notes.
A woman dressed in an earth tone pantsuit opened the door to the interrogation room. “Do you want anything to drink?” she asked. He shook his head. “Coffee would be great,” I answered. The dick slammed his hands against the table. “Nothing for you perp!” he shouted as she adjusted the thermostat in the room and closed the door. “Now what happened when you got to the park?” he asked thumbing through the note pad.
“Well, the park was pretty empty which surprised me as it was such a beautiful day. There were a few people off in the distance playing Frisbee or volleyball. I can’t remember.” The heat kicked on in the room. The detective took off his jacket and hung it on the back of his chair. He was wearing a white t-shirt that clung to his muscular frame. He had a barbwire tattoo across his left bicep. “Pam Anderson fan?” I asked pointing at the tattoo. He leaned in close. “You think this is some kind of joke? Do you have any idea how much trouble you are in?” He asked as sweat began to bead up on his forehead.
“Okay, like I said, the park was pretty empty. I was distracted by my stresses at work and wasn’t giving her the attention she needed. She began acting restless, you know, really vying for my attention. I tried to ignore her but she just wasn’t having it.”
“Were you getting frustrated?” He asked.
“Yeah, I guess.” I paused, “I guess I was getting frustrated.”
He jotted something down in his notebook.
“I try not to be distracted when I’m out with her, but on that day there were some urgent issues at work so I was on my phone checking emails.”
“And what was she doing?”
“Bugging me! She was bugging me!” I answered, surprised by own admission.
“You just wanted her gone. Right? Is that when you did it?” he stood over me like a mountain ready to slide.
I crumbled. “Yes! Yes! Yes goddammit that’s when I did it. I wasn’t thinking.”
“What did you do then?” He asked needing my confession to put me away.
I was so tired. I couldn’t fight this anymore. I just wanted it over.
My words came slowly. “I took,” tears of fear and exhaustion filled my eyes, “I took her off leash.” I crumbled into my arms. “I know it was wrong. But the park was empty, I thought…” The detective interrupted, “You thought you wouldn’t get caught! That’s what you thought. Well let me tell you. If anyone in this city takes there dog off leash they will deal with me. EVERY GODDAM TIME!”
The tears were flowing from my eyes as two officers escorted me from the room. They had me dead to rights. Now it was time to pay the price.