tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36196732261745477942024-03-20T08:49:12.746-07:00plant your seeds and watch them growThis blog is written by Daniel Landes.
Daniel's first novel "Joonie and the Great Harbinger Stampede" came out in 2012. He writes a lot. Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-42816819760193695742016-03-31T07:26:00.001-07:002016-03-31T07:30:33.103-07:00TERMINAL CITY<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am so glad the cool, old places of Denver are being torn down. The cold water flat in the river basin, near the train yards, where Neal Cassady and Allen Ginsberg made a pledge of total honesty to each other. That dive bar Tom Waits sings about in “Nighthawk Postcards” and “Drunk on the Moon,” is now an oyster bar. The all-night coffee shop where lil’ Pete would play piano and sing bawdy sailor songs: </span></div>
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<span style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "cutive"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "cutive"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Nothing could be finer than taste of your ver-gina in the mooorning.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Nothing could be sweeter than your lips around my peter in the mooorning.’”</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This has been torn down too.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am glad those places are gone. Those places we used to frequent when we were together. Those places where our memories are worn into the naugahyde booths, our stories carved into the oiled bar-tops of a once sleepy city that is now growing like mold, pulling nutrients from the Denver decay that has been enriched by the blood, sweat and tears of a thousand previous inhabitants, who eventually laid down their pen and paintbrush to die the most talented unknowns of their generation. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Good riddance, old Denver. You were a rotten, stinking twerp of a city. A city people fled or flew over on their way to real cool cities. A city whose natives were so eager to be from somewhere else they would claim LA or NYC as their home, having only lived there a scant few years. A city whose soul is dark and complex like that beautiful goth girl you never approached because you knew she would be quickly bored with your basicness. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thank god that Denver is being torn down. I am relieved to be no longer reminded of the countless nights she and I roamed it; two midwestern malcontents trying to prove (to whom?) our good times are as good as any good time. We spent our nights in the warehouses, under the viaducts, and posted up in dive bars of a city not seeking the approval of labels or networks. We never paid for a drink back then. There wasn’t an alley that didn’t know our passion.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am so glad all the cool places are being torn down. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now I can walk the streets free from painful nostalgia. I have no fond memories of that Patagonia store. We never drank martinis and kissed until I wore your lipstick in that Ramen restaurant. I now walk Denver as free as if I moved to a new city. The bright, happy faces I see, walking by with their trophy dogs, don’t remember a thing about us, or the old places we used to haunt. Denver is now clean and attractive. Gourmet. Sensible. Trendy. Safe. Active. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">With my worn out boots, a thin paperback stuck in my back pocket, and a beat ass cardigan sweater with holes in the elbows, I reflect the old city, the city that smelled of creosote and dog food. I walk the rivers until they meet at the confluence, listening to the stories of betrayal and conquest that unfolded near these banks since the time when mastodons shared the prairie with infinite bison, stretching from the mountain base to the far reaching plains. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">New Denver bests old Denver in so many ways. It has much better coffee. Reading a paperback and drinking coffee is still my favorite thing to do here, even if the coffee-shop is cold and precise like Scandinavia. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Clacktity, clack, clack— “What’s the Wi-Fi password?”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">steeeam, hiss, gurgle, foam— “Oh it’s yirgacheffe”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">clackity— “How do you spell that’” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">foamy— “With two f’s”. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I should learn to be alone. I seem to always be in a relationship. I swing from one relationship to the other like crossing monkey bars. I never let go of the one I’m on until my hand is sure to grasp the next one. More than one friend has said to me, “You should learn to be alone.” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "cutive"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Should is a funny word. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "cutive"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You should workout. You shouldn’t eat meat. You should pay attention to politics. You shouldn’t drink so much. You should learn to be alone. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "cutive"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The word should reminds me of the word shall, but the word shall sounds like God or Moses or Abraham is giving a command. Maybe if the people who care about me were more commanding and said “You shall learn to be alone,” I’d be more likely to listen. Blowing off a ‘should statement’ is easy, like not paying a parking ticket in a state you don’t plan on returning to anytime soon. Blowing of a ‘shall statement’ takes conviction, like not standing up when the President of the United States walks into the room.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Marie is young (don’t ask) and new to the city, but she smokes Pall Malls, which makes her old Denver. Also, she doesn’t own a pair of sandals and has never been to the mountains. She came over one night after the bars closed. When I woke up she was reading the paperback next to my bed. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Don’t worry. I didn’t lose your page.” She said softly.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I wasn’t worried,” Her knees were tucked up under her chin with the quilt over them. “You want coffee?” I asked. “Yes please,” she said. The morning light was muted grey through the fabric of my blinds, her black hair in sharp contrast to her fair skin. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As I waited for the water to boil I turned on NPR, washed the dishes in my sink, and watered my sweet little orchids in bloom. She continued to read in bed. When the coffee was ready I took it to her.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Want me to read to you?” I asked. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She looked up at me with espresso brown eyes, almost black. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Can we take turns reading to each other?” </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That was three months ago. She never left. I figure any person you live with--lover, friend or otherwise who allows you to perform your morning ritual uninterrupted--is worth inviting to stay. Plus she is a very positive person. She never talks shit on people. I love that perhaps most of all. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "cutive"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Although Marie hasn’t been in the city long she knows the good </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "cutive"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">carnicerias, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "cutive"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and Asian markets to shop in. Neither of us drives. We take public transportation up to Federal Boulevard and walk to the stores she knows. We break through the crusty snow banks, searching for black rice wine vinegar or fresh tamarind. </span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We stop into the dive bars tucked into early ‘70s strip malls for a vodka soda or whiskey ginger. ‘This bar is filled with sadness,’ Marie says about a place called Theo’s Gamble. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I look about the place. There are some old guys sitting on barstools staring at the TV, nursing pints of headless beer. The bartender, also an older guy, is arranging beer bottles in the cooler. The walls glow a cheerless yellow in the fading afternoon light. ‘Yeah, but look next to the cash register. See that poster board with the betting grid on it?’ She nods. ‘That’s for the people who come in here. The regulars. This is their place. I’d bet they’d even say they love it here. It may be a sad place, but it is really loved.” </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Marie and I are on the same sleep schedule. We eat dinner, drink wine and then crash out early. We don’t fuck at night. Only in mid-afternoon. Mid-afternoon is the best time to have sex. You are not too tired, too drunk or too full from dinner to really get into it. Having afternoon sex is like when you had a free period from school and could go home, smoke weed, and fix yourself lunch. You feel like you are getting away with something while other schlubs are working away. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Marie feels everything deeply, which makes her a depressive person. There are lots of tears and needing to be alone. She talks to her sister daily. They bond on the misery of the world. It’s better she talks with her sister. Whenever she comes to me with her deepest woes I try to find a solution to the problem. She doesn’t want a solution, just a shoulder to cry on. I’m a problem solver to a fault. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s been three months since Marie moved in and about six months since I broke up with my ex. The Denver I operate in now is much different than the Denver that is being torn down. The Denver I am getting to know is old and crummy. I feel at home here. The stores have bulletproof glass and security bars. You can buy just one tire off a stack of tires, if you need just one tire. It smells of roasted chilies and exhaust fumes. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Legend has it the land that Denver city sprouts from is cursed. If you spend enough time here you witness all good things fall apart. The story of the curse begins on a hot day in the summer of 1858. Two brothers, both just arrived at the foot of the Rockies from an arduous trek across the plains from Georgia, dropped their packs at the nexus of the Cherry Creek and the South Platte River. They were on their way to California, to find their riches; they were both swept up with gold fever. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As they sat on the banks of the confluence and looked west toward the mighty wall of the Rocky Mountains, one brother spied a few glimmering flecks just beneath the surface of the water, pulled out his equipment and began to pan. Within a few hours he had filled a small glass vile with gold flecks that he swirled in front of his brother’s face. His brother had panned but without the same luck. His vile remained empty. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #eeeeee; font-family: "cutive"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As the sun began to set and whiskey was tossed back, feelings of greed and inadequacy soon overtook the gold-less brother. He became cantankerous, pounding on his soft spots, like only a brother can. The tension escalated until the gold-rich brother drew back his Colt single actions six-shooter and unloaded every single bullet into the torso of his brother leaving him to rot on the banks of the conjoining rivers. His brother’s pierced body oozed vital fluid which formed a thin tributary as it coursed through the sandy banks of the confluence toward the swirling waters of the two rivers. </span></div>
<span style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "cutive"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> They say the brutal fratricide, set off a curse which reversed the flow of the rivers. Instead of two rivers blending together at the point of the confluence to make one river, the one river was now split to make two. The curse, caused by greed , is to divide: According to those that passed through this land for many thousands of years before the brother’s desecrated it the curse is as follows: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "cutive"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">‘may your families split in two, then your communities then your nations. When the division is complete and all has been lost the two will make one again and the bison will return to the prairie</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "cutive"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.’ </span></span></div>
<span style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: large;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "cutive"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I think about this curse as Marie and I wait at a stoplight on Alameda and Federal Blvd</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "cutive"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. ‘ Is all lost?’</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "cutive"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I wonder. The light turns green. Crossing the street I see one of those hybrid trophy dogs. “Look it’s a labradoodle,” Marie says, her face expressionless as the dog pulls against its leash, trying to smell her crotch. The guy is holding the leash in one hand and with the other a to-go coffee. </span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #eeeeee;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #eeeeee;"><span style="font-family: "cutive"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">‘</span><span style="font-family: "cutive"; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Shit</span><span style="font-family: "cutive"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">,’ I thought to myself, ‘</span><span style="font-family: "cutive"; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I didn’t know there was a coffee shop around here</span><span style="font-family: "cutive"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.’ </span></span></span>Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-74943613110070787492015-12-26T05:04:00.002-08:002015-12-26T05:04:26.791-08:00Commencement Speech Jefferson County Open School 2015<i>I was an honored to give a commencement speech when my son Charley Landes graduated from Jefferson County Open School in 2015. The speech follows:</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}</i></div>
<i><br /></i>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: #FEFEFE; line-height: 21.0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I came across this
article and thought it interesting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: #FEFEFE; line-height: 21.0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: #FEFEFE; line-height: 21.0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">March 6, 2002<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: #FEFEFE; line-height: 21.0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Headline-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dog
Chastised for acting Like a dog<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: #FEFEFE; line-height: 21.0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">SACRAMENTO, CA—
Obeying the instincts bred into him by millions of years of evolution, Shiner,
a 2-year-old golden retriever, incurred his owner's wrath Monday by acting like
a dog. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shiner’s owner Terri Solanis was
heard shouting "Stop barking at that damn squirrel!” and <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>asking "Can't you sit still for five
minutes?" Solanis has previously scolded Shiner for sniffing feces
encountered on the sidewalk, licking his own groin, and wolfing down his food.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: #FEFEFE; line-height: 21.0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Issue 38 of the onion<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">It’s my best guess that what
it takes to be an adult is a selective amnesia where in we forget what it’s
like to be a teenager, and act surprised when teenagers act age appropriate and
very much the way we acted when we were teenagers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Since the time before indoor
plumbing and paperclips teenagers have never been content to sit around the
fire and listen to the oral history as conveyed by an elder villager drunk on
fortified wine carrying on about the good old days and the dangers of the dark
woods.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Teenagers rip around those dark
woods, skinny dipping in the hidden pools, chasing down the silver stag, being
kings of carrot flowers and goddesses of rainbow sugar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes clumsily and sometimes with the
remarkable grace of innocence, teenagers come through the years, and become adults.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And as I defined adults obtaining a selective
amnesia to not only to forget the joy of the dark woods, but also to fear the
dark woods.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">It is why I am so honored
that you chose me to speak to you on this glorious day of your graduation from
a forward thinking and enlighted high school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is an honor because the spirit you carry in your bodies is the most
vital and potent spirit I know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A spirit
undiluted and pure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A spirit most alive
away from the campfire out under the pearlescent, swirling galaxies glittered
with more stars than there are grains of sand on Earth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A spirit that believes in loyalty and
friendship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A spirit of rowdiness,
adventure, curiosity and play.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A spirit
of empathy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am so humbled that I can
be amongst you on your commencement day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am recharged and refreshed in your presence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I left the security of the
hearth and jetted out into the dark woods the moment I could.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I graduated from high school (barely) we
all threw our caps into to the air and yelled “Hooray!”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was out the door before my cap hit the
ground.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hitched a ride to South
Carolina and slept on a friend’s couch, earning money shoveling shit on a horse
ranch, bar backing at a Marriott resort and selling safari clothes at a Banana
Republic in the mall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would ride my
bike 10 miles total from job to job across the isle of Hilton Head, a golf and
tennis resort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nobody rode bikes on the
island.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was received much like an armadillocrossing
a road in Iceland.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People didn’t know
what to do with me, they <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>were clueless
on how to “share the road”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My presence
just pissed them off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I started work at sunrise
with the horses then ended work at the Marriott hotel bar at 1:00 am shooing
drunken convention goers out of the bar so they could make horrible mistakes in
the privacy of their own rooms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
hours in between I would be at Banana Republic selling leather bomber jackets
to doctors and lawyers while their trophy wives eyed trinkets and baubles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Did I tell you when I got to
Hilton Head I was broke?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No joke broke.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No money for food broke.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the kitchen where I was staying was a
package of white rice, a half a block of swiss cheese and hotdogs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you cut up the hotdogs and sautee them,
add the rice, then stir in shredded (not cubed) swiss cheese you can make a
pretty delicious meal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ate that for
almost two weeks as I saved money for my first months rent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was just 18 and had an 18 year olds
appetite. Between the manual labor and the bike riding I was burning more calories
than I was eating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wasting away I thought
of food and nothing else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>err I was 18.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s say I thought
of food and little else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Despite working 18 hours a
day the worst part of my day was the hour lunch break I had to take while
working at Banana Republic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was hot
as hell on that island so I stayed inside the air conditioned mall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Killing time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Walking past windows displaying things I didn’t need and couldn’t
afford.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I spent a lot of time sitting at
a table in the food court.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An
overworked, famished, teen-ager sitting in the middle of a food court,
surrounded by the succulent scents of mouth-watering pizza, chow mein noodles,
fried egg rolls, chik’fil a sandwiches, gyros meat sizzingling on a spit, are
you kidding me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do not make light of
torture but damn… that was torture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Finally I earned enough money
to pay my rent and pay back the IOU’s I had accrued during my time of
pennilessness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all debts were paid
I had a grand total of $15 to get me through the next two weeks until I got
paid again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew exactly what I was
going to do with that $15 dollars.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>GORGE
MY FACE WITH MALL FOOD!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">When my hour break came I
strolled past the food court offerings and started creating a complex algorithm
where in I tried to figure out just exactly how many calories I could ingest
for $15 plus the 20% discount given to all mall employees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Stromboli from Sabbaros is more food for
the buck than a slice of pizza, I definitely <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>need egg rolls and fried rice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I shopped the food court carefully.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Like a patient lover I wanted
to extend out this great moment as long as I could, so before I made my purchases
I decided to stroll the mall one time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
went into the bookstore which I had been in many times before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a new cat working behind the
counter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was a few years older than
me, had curly unkempt hair, wore Ira Glass Glasses, and had a small button of
Karl Marx pinned to his lapel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In 1989 he was an OG hipster.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“Can I help you find
anything?” he asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“Nah,” I said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hunger seizes your tounge.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“You like black comedies?” he
asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Black comedies?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I know we are in South Carolina but damn have some tact.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He must of seen the consternation in my eyes
because he quickly followed with.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“You know dark comedies?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A comic work utilizing farce and morbid humor
to make light of a taboo subject.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“Morbid humor is my
favorite”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“You should read this
then,”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>he says reaching for a thick
tomb, on the cover is a cartoon image of a man in a winter’s hat, scarf, thick
coat and a big yellow bird pulling on his ear.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I read the cover “A
confederacy of dunces by John Kennendy Toole” I read flipping it over to see
the price, “$13.99”. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">In that moment a new variable
entered into my algorithm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can spend
my $15 dollars and eat well today and then sit in the food court for the next
two weeks with nothing to do but suffer or I can buy this book and be occupied
during my hour break until I get paid again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I bought the book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">That moment, being alone,
hungry and broke in the dark woods I found my passions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Food and Books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Food and Books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Food and Books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are the two things to which I have
since dedicated my professional life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
with restaurants and bars in two countries, my first novel on the shelf,
another in the works and being the fiction editor of a quarterly literary magazine
pursuing my passions has served me well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I don’t know where you will find
your passions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps under the
tutelage of a great professor, maybe on a long walk next to a river,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>or on a visit to a foreign country, or while
volunteering to help those in need.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
don’t you’ll find you passions, but I’m do know passion does not sit next to the
campfire, passions play in the secret gardens of the dark woods.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Class of 2015 Do not be afraid Go out and
find you passion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-17277480924682356982015-12-25T13:25:00.000-08:002015-12-25T13:25:04.733-08:00Frantic. Crazy. American<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">Frantic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Crazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>American.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">By Daniel Landes<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Imagine my surprise when I first saw the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I am American</i> tattoo across my forehead.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ori, an Israeli guy I met in Amsterdam, pointed
it out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There it was, a garish tattoo, reflected
off the glass of a storefront window.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Behind the glass was a lone woman in lingerie; tits pushed together, her
thin lips coated in pink glossy lipstick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She was running a large brush through her hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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“What are you 22 years old?” Ori asked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I’m surprised you never noticed it before.”
“Yeah me too,” I said rubbing my forehead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ori was leaning against the glass looking out toward the street smoking
a cigarette. “Your nationality is overt,” he said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had been ‘window shopping’ in the red
light district that afternoon. “All day you’ve been wanting to go in for a
shag.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You want to go in so badly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But you won’t let yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are so American.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was right about me wanting to go visit the
women behind the glass and that I probably wouldn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shit,
I thought, I am so American.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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“Let’s go get a coffee and have smoke,” Ori said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked back at the woman behind the glass
as we walked away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She blew me a
kiss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I think I should go back to that
one,” I said, “We share some sort of connection.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ori laughed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Okay go do it,” He said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Nah,
let’s go have a smoke.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll come back
later.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My libido, which had been pounding in my head like a caged
ape all afternoon, decreased in intensity the moment we left the red light
district.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Women, who don’t fuck for
money, were walking down the street, just normal like. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ori walked with a confident stride.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had just finished with his two-year
mandatory military duty for the state of Israel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was in Europe to party and try to ‘forget
about all that bullshit’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were
sharing a room in a hostel near the red light district.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our room smelled like a dirty mop head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was my first time out of the US and I felt
like a wide-eyed, rubbernecked, bumpkin gawking at everything I saw; like the scantily
clad women behind glass selling their sex. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ori was a big, handsome guy who knew how to
handle himself. He was worldly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
bounded at his heels like a little dog looking for this big dogs approval.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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We ducked into a quiet coffee shop where Ori ordered a gram
of yellow hash, two Café Americanos and mineral water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He started rolling the hash into long, thin sticks
and laid them across tobacco and rolled it all up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“What does it mean to you to be an
American?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He asked as he lifted a flame
up and lit the spliff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He exhaled a
great plume of smoke over my head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
guy behind the counter came by and dropped off our coffees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Ori sat with the spliff for a while, taking a puff, holding
it, and then exhaling these giant plumes of smoke. When I hit it, I coughed out
a weak cloud of smoke.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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“I haven’t thought about it too much.” I said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“This is my first time out of the States and
I have to say I feel a bit like a lost puppy dog.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took another drag and began to feel anxiety
as the THC entered my blood stream. Often I get self-conscious when I’m high
and clam up or freak out and have to leave but Ori put me at ease so I pulled
my feet up on to the booth and released another weak plume of smoke;
suppressing a cough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Looking out the window at the steady stream of bicycles
passing by I hit the spliff again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
bikers morphed out of focus as they passed the beads of moisture that were
accumulating on the window as a fog rolled in “That’s not true,” I said to Ori,
“I have thought about what it means to be an American quite a bit, but I
haven’t felt comfortable expressing how I feel.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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“Why not?” asked Ori.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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“It’s like telling people you don’t like sports or don’t eat
meat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People aren’t interested in
hearing about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, complaining
about America is like complaining about your parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You end up just sounding whiny and ungrateful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t want to seem ungrateful, I’m a lucky
to be born in the mouth of the wolf and all, but I’m also feeling very critical
at the moment.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“The mouth of the
wolf?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ori repeated. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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“Sure, the mouth of the wolf, where the fuckin’ teeth
are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My nation is always at war.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are warriors.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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“My nation is no different.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ori said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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“I was never in the military like you, but I have blood on
my hands all the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The food I eat
and the bed I sleep in are the spoils of war.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The land I call home was taken from Native people by treachery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A large portion of the infrastructure of my
nation is built with forced and slave labor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s not so different than any other nation I guess, but I think it is
important to at least acknowledge our brutal past.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once I began to acknowledge our true history
I’ve found it very difficult to be prideful in America.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t even feel compelled to talk about the
good parts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is plenty of that
chatter going around already.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ori stirred sugar
cubes into his coffee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Our nations are
a lot a like, it’s perhaps why we are such close allies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But really what does being American mean to
you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am curious.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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“Why are you so curious?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I asked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ori looked out the
window.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It grew darker as the fog
thickened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The amber glow from the streetlight
outside was captured inside the dewdrops that clung to the window like little
beads of sap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They collected together and
when they got heavy enough they ran down the window in beautiful streaks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I just spent two-years of my life training
to defend my country.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To kill for my
country.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I strung razor wire and
defended an ever-expanding border from a people that used to call my country
home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My ‘enemies’.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The air in room felt heavy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I feel corrupted by deep lies of Israeli exceptionalism.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel brainwashed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Manipulated by our national mythology.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Do you believe the lies your country tells you?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Damn Ori. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you
want jump into the deep end I need to switch from coffee to beer.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ori began rolling another spliff. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His brow was furrowed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Answer my question,”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He said. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“What does it mean to
you to be an American?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was stoned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
coffee was bitter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got up and ordered
a beer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sitting back down, I put my
elbows on the table and looked right into Ori’s eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Look man,” I said, “I am the spoiled child
of the most notorious crime family in history.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m a viscous baby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A werewolf in
diapers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am the Auspicious One
destroying with fire and bullets and planting ugly seeds in the burnt and
bloody earth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m reaping mutated fruit that tastes like
nothing but pithy lackluster plastic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
a goddam Pilgrim, a Yankee, a Confederate, a Texas Ranger, a Chemist, a Pusher,
a Twisted Psychologist and a Fake Doctor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m a mad fucking scientist, a super villain hell bent on world
domination.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am the Apathetic One.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t give a fuck about anything but my ham
sandwich.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t touch my ham sandwich or
I’ll blow you into smithereens.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ori looked at me, eyes wide.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Jesus man, you are stoned.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Yes, and I’m super hungry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Let’s go eat.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fog was rolling away as the sun returned and
began evaporating the moisture from the window.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“No you go on,” Ori said, “I’m going to get back to the hostel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m awaiting a phone call from my
mother.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We departed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was
too stoned to navigate food or beer so I hopped on my bicycle and began to ride
around the canals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Melding into the
river of bikers I flowed along with them with no destination in mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I reached the outskirts of the city the
bike herd began to thin until there were only a few of us left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The road opened up into suburban neighborhoods.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While in the commercial areas of the city I
felt comfortable but once I got to the outskirts of town, amongst the
residences I felt out of place and immediately lonely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are families that live here. My family
is far away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Up ahead a woman was riding her bike along the road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had inadvertently tucked her grey wool
skirt into the top of her panties exposing most of her buttocks and the silky
whiteness of her underwear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I peddled
hard to get closer to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She rode fast
and effortlessly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her blond hair flowed
behind her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had on a white
blouse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I got closer I noticed she
had on nylon stockings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The nylons
pressed the ruffles of her panties flat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The seam of her nylons ran between her ass cheeks splitting them into two
perfect hemispheres.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Standing up on the
pedals I pumped hard to keep up. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She rounded a corner and pulled her bike into a bike rack
outside a small neighborhood market.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
parked my bike just out of sight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As she
got off her bike she realized the state of her skirt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Untucking it she pressed it flat against her
thighs and ass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She bent over to lock
her bike against the rack.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stared from
a distance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mind raced through
scenarios in which I may engage her in conversation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each scenario ended with me undressing
her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My libido, the caged ape, began to
pound between my temples again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
entered the market.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I followed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although the store was small I kept a
distance between us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her cheeks were
rosy from exercise and her eyes piercing blue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I felt like a puppy dog. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A few
more people entered the store.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stood
next to her as she pulled a bottle of water from the fridge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She smelled of salt water and roses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stuck in my throat was the word I wanted to speak to
her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just one word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hello.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It wouldn’t come out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She stood
behind an elderly man with smoke grey hair and waited to pay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stood behind her and inhaled her scent
deeply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ape pounded harder and
harder against the cage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My plan was to
talk to her once we got outside.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I said nothing to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As I unlocked my bike my inner voice said ‘you are super creepy.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I returned to the hostel Ori was sitting at a long table
in the lobby with four or five other travelers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There was hash, weed, loose tobacco and about a dozen Heineken bottles
in front of the group.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Ori I need to talk to you.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I said franticly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The group
looked up at me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What’s up man?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ori
asked “You look like a fucking crazy person.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The group laughed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You are
driving yourself mad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just go and do
what you want to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Go back to the red
light district and fuck.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Embarrassment washed over me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew Ori was 100% right though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’m going,” I announced.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“I’m going to do it.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I walked
out the door toward the red light district. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I walked for hours in
the red light district that night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Frantic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Crazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>American.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-50714105110364166552015-12-25T13:23:00.004-08:002015-12-25T13:23:33.807-08:00The Kiss is the First to go<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">The kiss is the first to go</span></b></div>
<br />
On a hot summer day Samhari sat on the banks of the River and watched the Willow King swim in it’s current. Samhari’s feet soaked in the cold mountain water, her toes digging into the sand and gravel. She waved to the Willow King as he floated by. He pulled himself out and sat next to her. “I think we are moving to fast,” Samhari said finally expressing a thought she had been thinking for days. He dried his face on her skirt and suggested that they move to the sunny side of the river, out from beneath the shadow of the palisades, to continue the conversation. She touched the gooseflesh on his upper arm and looked into his eyes. When he spoke of the other side of the river his eyes twinkled. He was charming. She preferred the shade of the palisades but knew she would acquiesce to his desires. “I think we are moving to fast,” she repeated. <br />
<br />
They sat for a moment in the shade wrapped in a wool blanket and ate crisp apples and drank red wine from the bottle. The Willow King began to gather their belongings into his river bag. He corked the wine and threw his apple core into the current where it bobbed slowly and drifted down stream. Wordlessly he began to cross the river. Samhari followed. On the sunny side of the river the Willow King spread the blanket onto the flat top of a large granite boulder that damned the flow of water into a deep pool where fat rainbow trout lurked and slurped winged caddisflies from the surface or slurped them deep below as larva. <br />
<br />
Samhari was growing anxious that he had not responded to her concerns for the velocity in which their relationship was developing. “What are you thinking about?” she asked. The Willow King stretched in the sun and rested his cheek on the warm granite rock. He reached up to move a stray lock of hair from Samhari’s face to behind her ear. Small birds sang lilting ditties from the braches of the overhanging cottonwood trees. The Willow King smiled and let out a breath. “When I sit by the river I imagine throwing my brain into its currents allowing the cold water and abrasive grit to round off the calcified edges of my weak thoughts.” Samhari followed his gaze to a white-capped rapid that was churning and churning the water over a submerged granite boulder reducing it ever so slowly. “Like what kind of weak thoughts?” Samhari asked. “Mostly thoughts of being unlovable,” he said. “feelings of being unworthy.” She could not imagine the Willow King feeling inadequate in anyway. She never knew he was vulnerable. Warmth grew inside of her chest. The sun shined lovingly upon them. <br />
<br />
Samhari lay down next to him. He smelled of earth and labor. His skin was warm and sun-kissed. She pushed his hair behind his ear. “Your eyes look green now,” she said., “they were more brown when we were on the other side of the river.” He pushed himself up and took Samhari’s hands in his. “What are you afraid?” He asked. <br />
<br />
Her mind twisted and swirled like the eddy of water behind the river boulder. I fear so many things my love. So many things. Her voice did not come. She could not find the words to explain the pain in her chest. In her mind she stood on the edge of a great abyss and could not see the next step. She could not reach for his hand. She thought of the rainbow trout deep in the cold pool below content to slurp bugs and procreate. She knew with her continued silence the Willow King would slip back into the river and flow on. She couldn’t form the words to tell him not to. <br />
<br />
The Willow King drew symbols with river water on the warm rock. The symbols became prayers sent skyward as the water evaporated into the sky. He drew a symbol for Samhari and as it evaporated he prayed for her well-being. As he drew a symbol for the Willow King he observed the disquieted look on Samhari’s face. She was searching for the words to express that she is petrified of disappointing him, of being truly loved, of being rejected, of being vulnerable. The symbols evaporated from the rock to the sky merging far above in the belly of a cloud. Samhari and the Willow King carried off of this earth of decay and rebirth, reformed in the torrential elements of cloud world, where they will blend and fall back down as rain. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
{}</div>
<br />
The sun began to dip behind the horizon of the palisades. The stored heat from the granite boulder was slowly absorbed by the growing coolness of the late afternoon air. Samhari was alone on the riverbank. The Willow King kissed her cheek and slipped into the current when the sun was still high above them. “I need your words,” he had said before leaving. “Without them I fill in the silence with my imagination which is heavily influenced by my own self-doubt. Your words are your freedom and mine.” Samhari stood before him dumbfounded. Her mind was filled with colorful and articulate thoughts, but like a bubblegum machine with a quarter stuck in it, not one of them would drop. She wanted to say I need to be alone! I’m still in love! I don’t want to ever have my heart broken again! I don’t trust you! I don’t trust me! I love you!<br />
<br />
The words did not come because none of them had the temerity to hold form long enough to travel from her heart to her head and finally escape her mouth. They dissolved somewhere along the way. The only thing escaping from between her soft lips was her slow, warm breath that smelled of apples and wine. A smell that intoxicated the Willow King to the point that he wanted nothing more than to pull Samhari in and kiss her so deeply that the tips or her toes turned pink and tingled with joy. Kisses they used to share, until she pulled away. Kisses he knew only existed in their past. From experience he knew the kiss is the first to go. After the kiss loses it’s luster, the words soon dry up and distance is created. If he were to kiss her now he would only feel the distance. So instead he slipped back into the current of the river and left Samhari with the blanket, the wine and the river bag. <br />
<br />Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-72788306151904190102015-12-25T13:21:00.002-08:002015-12-25T13:21:41.319-08:00Good Dick, Bad Man<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The prompt “that’s a hell of a way to loose a tooth” was given to
Daniel Landes by Brian Polk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Good Dick, Bad Man<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Say pal,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>why don’t
you start from the beginning?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
detective wore Dockers and an Indiana Jones leather jacket.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had a Brian Bosworth haircut thirty years
after ‘the Boz’ rocked one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His
aftershave reminded me of date rape.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
started up with the “well in the beginning, my mom met my dad and they had sex”
gag, but this virile chunk of sports cut me off quick with, “Fucking with me is
a hell of a way to loose a tooth pal.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sobered, I started over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Like every afternoon we went for a walk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We headed toward the park.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a lovely fall afternoon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had been cooped up in the apartment,
doing god knows what, so was excited to get out and stretch her legs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She stopped multiple times to smell the
flowers and say hello to strangers.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
detective was nodding his head taking notes. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A woman dressed in an earth tone pantsuit
opened the door to the interrogation room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Do you want anything to drink?” she asked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He shook his head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Coffee would be great,” I answered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The dick slammed his hands against the
table.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Nothing for you perp!” he
shouted as she adjusted the thermostat in the room and closed the door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Now what happened when you got to the park?”
he asked thumbing through the note pad.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Well, the park was pretty empty
which surprised me as it was such a beautiful day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were a few people off in the distance
playing Frisbee or volleyball.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t
remember.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The heat kicked on in the
room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The detective took off his jacket
and hung it on the back of his chair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
was wearing a white t-shirt that clung to his muscular frame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had a barbwire tattoo across his left
bicep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Pam Anderson fan?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked pointing at the tattoo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He leaned in close.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You think this is some kind of joke?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you have any idea how much trouble you are
in?” He asked as sweat began to bead up on his forehead. <o:p></o:p></div>
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“Okay, like I said, the park was
pretty empty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was distracted by my stresses
at work and wasn’t giving her the attention she needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She began acting restless, you know, really
vying for my attention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to
ignore her but she just wasn’t having it.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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“Were you getting frustrated?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He asked.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Yeah, I guess.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I paused, “I guess I was getting frustrated.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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He jotted something down in his
notebook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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“I try not to be distracted when
I’m out with her, but on that day there were some urgent issues at work so I
was on my phone checking emails.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“And what was she doing?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Bugging me!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was bugging me!” I answered, surprised by
own admission.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“You just wanted her gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right? Is that when you did it?” he stood
over me like a mountain ready to slide.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I crumbled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Yes!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yes!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes goddammit that’s when I
did it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t thinking.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“What did you do then?” He asked
needing my confession to put me away.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I was so tired.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t fight this anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just wanted it over.<o:p></o:p></div>
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My words came slowly. “I took,”
tears of fear and exhaustion filled my eyes, “I took her off leash.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I crumbled into my arms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I know it was wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the park was empty, I thought…” The
detective interrupted, “You thought you wouldn’t get caught!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s what you thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well let me tell you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If anyone in this city takes there dog off
leash they will deal with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>EVERY
GODDAM TIME!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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The tears were flowing from my eyes
as two officers escorted me from the room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They had me dead to rights.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now
it was time to pay the price.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-35668577792291549312015-12-25T13:20:00.002-08:002015-12-25T13:20:45.310-08:00constanly amazed<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">constantly amazed<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We draw strength from the decay around us,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>like children playing
on the banks of a poisoned river,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
we cleanse ourselves in foul water and coagulated fat.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Never stuck,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
we draw butterflies on the inside of our concentration camp
walls<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and blow them alive and away <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
over the razor wire to<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
alight on the limb of the old cypress tree.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hand in hand we leave fresh tracks<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
in the ash of cities in riot<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and skip stones <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
off the reflection of the blood moon.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are not the red flesh<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
pasted to a white wall<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
of a preschool<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
surrounded by cop cars<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and media vans.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are not the shooter within.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are not what travels in and out <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>of our mouths and our
assholes.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We just happened upon this place;<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
to us there is only beauty.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So we coo to each other in museum whispers;<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
constantly amazed by the end of the world.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-30108356449449852832015-12-25T13:19:00.002-08:002015-12-25T13:39:58.494-08:00The execution of a demigod<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The execution of a demigod<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">By Daniel Landes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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The house was set beneath the navel of the reposed form of
our universe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was deeply rooted in
bedrock, shale and divine purpose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
putrid winds that blew from the north buffeted the foundation, and pelted the
shingles and siding in a relentless effort to reduce the house to a granular
form.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The house withstood the torment
and continued to shelter the tragic players as they accepted providence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Inside the walls of the house, the elemental
battle for balance played out, again, and again and again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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The blowing leaves of the trees, planted as a windbreak on
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leaves chafed against each other in the morning wind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The precious dew, here and gone, never
settled long enough for the dehydrated cells of the leaves to rejuvenate. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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The child was pacing as early morning light shone through
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</span>The torn and crumpled pages from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Leaves
of Grass</i> were strewn across the floor, like crumpled love notes filled with
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of the nine planets and their moons, made in school from Styrofoam balls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pints
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together as a random blue creation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
nightlight flickered, preparing for daybreak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The child’s mind, red with fury, was empty but for the plan. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She thought only of the plan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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</span>The water filtered through the ground burnt beans and drip, drip, dripped
into the awaiting pot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A detached,
monotone voice, reported the news; the record breaking heat wave continues as
the draught worsens, the daily tally of solider corpses from the Endless Wars
adds up, and the diverting scandals of politicians never ceases.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the oceans, not the wars, not disease,
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ground, wiping out cities like sandcastles. The man, sipping his coffee, waited
for the crop report.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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In her room the child stopped pacing and stood as still as a
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out from the flared arms of her nightgown, ankle length, made from soft cotton
in a place far away by evil means.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
would soon be free of it, her death shroud.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She stood waiting in the blue grey light of dawn thinking of nothing but
the plan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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The man, a moneyman, a farmer of sorts, owned fertile land
above the encroaching seas on which he grew corn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Acres and acres of Holy Corn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-30467198012303593082015-12-25T13:18:00.001-08:002015-12-25T13:18:06.211-08:00Ghosts don't stay buried<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Ghosts don’t stay buried</span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
I am pressed up against the edges of Denver. The hidden stories of this city are the only thing that keeps my interest. Stories we tried to bury and stories we are trying to bury now. The stories that get my attention are of wretched acts of treachery and demonic acts of man. Stories so dark they have to be buried deep beneath this city so we can try to forget them. Stories that should stay buried. <br />
<br />
We don’t want to know just how uncivilized we behave or remember when rivers of blood jumped the banks of the Platte River and Cherry Creek. We would assume forget the scalps and carcasses that stacked up on both sides of the Frontier Wars. It’s gone now, buried, and we ride bikes on the graves and feel good about our efforts to not drive. The stories will not stay buried. Nothing stays forgotten.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
{}</div>
<br />
Only half the train whistles you hear passing through the crease of Denver in the middle of the night are real. The other half are the screeches of the ghost train signaling it’s passing through a town that existed one-hundred some odd years ago. A time when things that glittered on the sandy shores of our rivers got men laid and got men killed. It is the whistle of the ghost train passing through a town that reeked of pine smoke and the by-product of human encampments. The whistle of the ghost train, a warning signal of its slow approach into the forgotten depot near the confluence of the Platte and Cherry Creek. <br />
<br />
When the ghost train arrives at the station the people who get off are not alive. They are ghosts; poor souls who did not stay buried. They did not understand where to go when their hearts stopped beating so they stay here with us, without substance. They go about their daily lives, just like they did a hundred some odd years ago in Denver City. They exist beside us, participating in the commerce and civics of a by-gone era with as much conviction of their realness as you or I do, as we go about our daily lives.<br />
<br />
If you can shut your mouth and open your ears for just a minute you can hear them. They are everywhere. They tell stories. Stories of a time we would assume forget. A time when the rivers ran with blood and we stacked carcasses like cordwood. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-15267312482876715342015-12-25T13:16:00.002-08:002015-12-25T13:16:23.097-08:00Cucumber 5 ways<i>This is piece of flash fiction based on this prompt from Brian Polk. "Do you have any idea why I pulled you over today?"</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">Cucumber 5 ways<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Our love made all other love
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</span>‘Let’s never be boring in our love’ she said as we drew hearts on the
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said with stars in my eyes; constellations only she could read.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘That waitress is so jealous of our
love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right?’ she asked after the
waitress wiped up the table for the second time and asked if we were ready to
order.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘Poor thing probably has an ordinary
love,’ I replied.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘Like that couple over
there, look at him, he’s reading the paper and she’s reading a paperback
book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How sad, they aren’t even speaking
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blew steam from her mug and took a sip while the man kept on reading the
paper.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Let’s just order a couple of
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</span>‘That’s how I love to eat,’ I said, ‘I just like to share.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our almond milk chai’s arrived at the table
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Finally we broke gaze for
long enough to peruse the menu.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a
bountiful menu filled with mouthwatering treats like deep fried rhubarb pie,
chicken fried, double stuffed, marshmallow wings, three layered peanut butter,
banana and miracle whip sandwiches with a side of strawberry au jus and a full bowl
of noodles and sauce.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘Well my truest
love, what looks good?,’ she asked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
slowly looked up from the menu, ‘what do you have in mind my love?’ I
asked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘I’m not eating salt, or sauce,
or breaded and fried things, so I don’t know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What looks good to you?’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
stomach turned with hunger as I looked at the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Hungrydillo </i>section of the menu loaded with items that would make
me fat and happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I turned the menu over
to the side she was looking at. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A light affair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
chill ran through the restaurant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
child was coughing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I heard the clink of
plates and silverware.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The stench of the
waitress’s cigarette hung in my nostrils. I read on:<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>Cucumber 5 ways, Button
Mushroom Stock Soup, a Sprouted Seedwich, Ice Cold Gazpacho.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">My brow furrowed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘What’s wrong my sweetest?’ she asked, her
words like apricot jelly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked at
her, truly looked at her, maybe for the first time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Who is
this woman? </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The man reading the paper was sharing an
article he had read, the woman laughed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My love sat staring at me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
restaurant swirled as I tried to justify a life of compromise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Slowly I arose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grabbed the keys and walked out the
door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I was doing well over 75 mph in a
residential area when the officer pulled me over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘Do you have any idea why I pulled you over,’
she asked. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-17177419394442005212015-03-26T07:11:00.002-07:002015-03-26T07:53:37.662-07:00THE SHOVEL<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">The Shovel<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The numbers 3, 8 and 22 can lick my asshole clean. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">I<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Three is the number of sisters I have. All of them older. They
dressed me up as a girl until I was five years old. Danae was closest to me in
age, only a year older, but she still treated me like a kid. I’m 38! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As she drove me to
get smokes she confessed, “I’m addicted to yoga.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her kid Rory, was about to enter kindergarten and couldn’t
pronounce his own name. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Lol-lee, my name is Lol-lee.” It was painful to watch him
try to form an R in his twisted mouth. “Roar- Ree,” I said slowly. “Roar-Ree.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Lol-lee” he repeated. Kid spent his days staring at the cat
while his mom scooted off to yoga class to downward dog her way to spiritual
enlightenment. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I feel more connected with my goddess when I do my practice
daily,” she continued. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Danae, your goddess wants you to get your kid a speech
therapist before he starts kindergarten or he’ll be a lamb to slaughter in public
school.” She looked at me over her sunglasses hinting at a smile. Even though
it was mid-January it was hot as hell. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Michael believes Rory chose his impediment and will be
stronger by overcoming it on his own,” Michael is her doughy husband. His has
an atoll of long hair just above his ears, which he pulls back in a pump handle
ponytail. He smokes a ton of weed, writes a conspiracy blog with half a million
followers, and wears sweat pants and superhero T-shirts every day. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“That makes no sense whatsoever.” I said, staring out the
window at the generic strip malls of sprawling Phoenix. Block after block of uninspired
entrepreneurial spirit store fronts. Nail salons, liquor stores, check cashing
places. Only the occasional taqueria with its hand-painted windows showed any
sign of soul. “Does Michael still think he has a chip in his head?” Danae
focused on the road, ignoring my question. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I tamped and unwrapped the smokes, I handed her one as
she said, “I’m worried about you. Are you still gambling?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Christ Danae, remember when you did so much blow your heart
stopped and I had to jump up and down on your chest to get it to start again?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You’re projecting Tom,” she said. “Are you still gambling?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Well fuck yes I am,” I reclined the seat to get my eyes out
of the sun. “And not very well, hence me sleeping on your floor. Did you know I
spent the holidays at the Waldorf Estoria in New York City? I was up big, Danae.
Private jet from Barcelona big.” I paused to light a cigarette. “Shit, did I
tell you about Barcelona?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“When were you in Barcelona?” She asked.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Like two months ago. I had to swim ashore from a casino
boat, buck ass naked. I lost my good suit in a hand of blackjack.” This was why
the number 22 could lick my ass<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">.</i> “These
two Saudi dudes stripped me and threw me overboard. I swam to shore, fashioned
a loin cloth kind of thing from a plastic grocery bag and headed to La Rambla.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What do mean ‘fashioned a loin cloth from a grocery bag?’ Like
a diaper?” She asked. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Yeah, like a diaper, I stuck my legs through the bottom and
synched up the waist. Then I went to La Rambla.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“In a plastic diaper?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Yes,” I said. “Well, that and a tattered blue tarp that I
found next to a construction site. I tied it around my neck, cape-style.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She was looking at me again over her sunglasses with a full
smile. I knew she loved these stories. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Go on,” she said, ashing her cigarette in a lidless sippy
cup with apple juice molding in the bottom. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“So yeah, I start walking up La Rambla and it’s packed with
people, shoulder to shoulder. There are some buskers hustling money. I spy this
skinny fag named Rory, oh weird, I mean ‘Lol-lee.’” Danae laughed up and
punched me in the shoulder. “He and I were at a few parties together. He was
hanging around this old coke dealer dude…” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Like Dwayne?” She asked referring to this gross old dude
that would give Danae eight-balls of coke if she’d go to parties with him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Yeah, like Dwayne. Rory sucked his cock though.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I never touched Dwayne,” she said. “Gross.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Whatever. Anyway Rory had obviously fell from grace because
he was on the street beat boxing into a loudspeaker.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Was he good?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Yeah, really good. He could make some crazy beats.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“So you started dancing. Right?” Danae guessed, knowing the
trajectory of the majority of my stories.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Exactly,” I said, sitting up in my seat. “I started doing
my pop and lock routine.” I demonstrated arm moves. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“In a plastic diaper?” She asked.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“And a tattered blue cape.” I reminded her. “Yeah, we killed.
We split 50 euros after only an hour of our routine.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh, the poor deprived citizens of Barcelona only got an
hour of your dance routine.” Danae rolled her eyes and laughed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Rory took his earnings and scored blow. I took mine to a
hardware store and bought a spray bottle, which I filled up in their bathroom
with tap water, and a little pilfered glass cleaner. I also bought a 3 euro
squeegee. I took my tools down to the corner of a busy intersection just off of
La Rambla and started washing car windows.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“In your Sanford and Son superhero get up?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Yep, it’s like dad said, ‘Never let an opportunity pass you
by.’ Made 600 euros before the sunset. Bought a cheap suit got back on the
casino boat and won over 10,000 euros from those Saudi bastards.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“That’s like $15,000 US dollars?” Danae wondered.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Something like that. I turned that in to $175,000 US over
the next month. I chartered a jet, flew to New York and spent a month at the
Waldorf Estoria and ordered room service every day. Best Cobb salad I’ve ever
had.” Danae turned left at the light and started heading toward downtown. “Where
are we going?” I ask.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’m taking you to the bus station.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What about my bags?” I asked. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You didn’t bring any.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh yeah.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We rode in silence. “Michael is weird and so is your kid,” I
said stepping out of Danae’s car in front of the bus station. “I love you
though.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I know they are. I love you too, Tom,” she said, reaching
out for another smoke.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">II<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The number 8 can suck my ASS!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If someone lifted the rock off of America they’d find
Greyhound busses filled with a conglomeration of repeatedly wronged single moms
ignoring their sugar-amped kids rotting their brains with eyes glued to
screens. Seats filled with veterans telling war stories to heal the wounds that
nobody wants to acknowledge, and broke widows whose farm has long been
repossessed knitting sweaters for ungrateful mid-western grandkids on meth. And
me, a hot and cold gambler who was currently cold. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dammit! I forgot to ask Danae for Xanax</i>, I thought as I made a
donut out of my jacket to sit on. A twenty-three hour bus ride from Phoenix to
Denver without pharmaceutical aid and flaming hemorrhoids was made only
slightly more bearable by way of a dirty hippy kid named Slug who was packing some
incredibly powerful weed. We smoked at every stop.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What peyote dancing, shoeless voodoo wizard named you
Slug?” I asked as we duck behind a dumpster to smoke a bowl outside of Tuba
City. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I earned my name at the Burn,” Slug said choking on smoke. “Have
you ever been to Burning Man?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Fuck no. I have no interest spending a week watching
oppressed professionals dangle their gentiles while hula-hooping in a sand
storm.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You wouldn’t watch, you’d participate. It’s one of the ten
principles of Burning Man.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“No I wouldn’t. I’d sit there, judge the hell out everyone,
and be miserable.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Slug looked at me for a while. “Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t
go. It’s not for everyone.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When we got back on the bus, sitting in seat number 8 was my
ex-girlfriend Alex.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She looked at me standing in the aisle next to Slug. Both of
us reeking of pot, eyes as red as taillights. “Hi Tom. Who’s your buddy?” She
asked, giving me the same half smile Danae gave me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’m David Cohen,” Slug said. I looked at him and shrug my
shoulders.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Are you going to Denver?” I asked her.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“No, Albuquerque.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Good,” I said walking past. I was too stoned to chat. I
felt so stupid. I sat in my seat next to the bus driver who just got off shift.
He was eating a can of sardines in mustard sauce and slugging back Old Grand-dad.
He had to weigh over 300 pounds. The seat next to Alex was open. I stayed put. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">III<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The bus arrives just after midnight depositing Slug and I on
to the quiet, snowy streets of downtown Denver. There is at least 6” of fresh
snow covering the streets and sidewalks. My nylon jacket, thin socks, and penny
loafers provided zero insulation from the biting cold. After two steps my
loafers fill with powdery snow. “Well this sucks,” I say looking to Slug. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Let’s formulate a survival plan.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Slug is walking down the sidewalk toward a black Cadillac
Escalade. “It’s my dad,” he says. As he walks away, he transforms from a slimy
invertebrate into David Cohen. Opening the back door, he disappears into the
warm interior. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He may have waved
goodbye, I’m not sure. The windows are tinted. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When you are broke and alone in the bitter darkness of a
strange city there is only one thing to do. Walk. If you are walking you aren’t
loitering. If you have your eyes open, and your standards are low enough, you
can always find what you need to survive on the streets and in the alleys of
any city in the US. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By the time I get to the corner, I find a nappy wool
balaclava under the eaves of the bus station. No cootie can survive this
freezing cold so I didn’t worry as I pull on the facemask. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tower cranes are the true bellwether for the economic growth
of a city. From my downtown vantage point I count seven jutting out of the Denver
skyline. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The boom before the bust</i>, I
thought. Mid-western cities never quite grasp their own disposable nature. When
times are good they build as though the nation depends on them and can’t
believe when everyone returns to the coasts when times are lean. Denver, upon
first impression, seems like it was getting all dressed up in knock off designs
for a dance that will surely get cancelled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I walk in the direction of the state capital. Its huge
golden dome radiates a halo of rainbow splinters in the cold air — the opulence
of the gold in stark contrast to the emptiness of my wallet. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The snow falls in flakes as fat as the white washcloths in
the Waldorf Estoria washrooms, soft terrycloth washcloths being thrown from
rooftops by a demigoddess in an herbal mask. Only two blocks from the bus
station and my head and shoulders are blanketed. Passing a construction site I
spy another tattered blue tarp, which I tie around me more like a shawl than a
cape. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I line my loafers with two grocery
bags to keep the snow out. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another inch of snow falls by the time I pass the Capital and
cross on to 13th Avenue. The scent of fresh baked treats holds me fast in front
of a bakery window made opaque from the steam and warmth. Inside are
silhouettes of worker bee bodies pulling trays of baked goods from hot ovens. In
the windows reflection I see myself in the nappy facemask and blue tarp and
reluctantly move on. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 74.0pt;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 74.0pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 74.0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">IV<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 74.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 74.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 74.0pt;">
From underneath the cloud cover a
band of silver blue appears on the low eastern horizon illuminating the
underbelly of the clouds pregnant with snow. The dawn brings winds that sweep
the snowstorm across the high plains, turning the soft flakes to needles, which
ricochet off the western wall of the Rockies, sending them back into a frenzied
spiral through the deserted streets of Denver. Each flake an assault on my
exposed flesh. My toes and fingers are in distress, my teeth begin to chatter.
I need shelter quick. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 74.0pt;">
<br /></div>
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Pushed against the wall of an
alley, a mere twenty yards from the bakery, is a quarter round awning about six
feet long and three feet high and wide. I remove the snow that is piling up
against it. Painted on the front and sides is a wide-eyed, smiling, cartoon
chicken holding a drumstick. Chester Fried Chicken. Pulling the awning away
from the wall I shimmy my body and some cardboard boxes I procured to make a
pallet on the asphalt underneath the awning. As I reclose the gap between the
wall and the awning, I am enveloped by darkness. The wind whips and drifts snow
outside as I remove my wet clothes, light a cigarette and wrap myself in the
blue tarp. Moments after my last drag, I lie down and sleep the sleep of death.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 74.0pt;">
<br /></div>
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So total is the darkness that there’s
no difference between eyes open or shut when I awake, maybe hours or days
later. It is silent. Absolute quiet, absolute darkness, absolutely alone. I
stay perfectly still and enjoy deeply the situation I find myself in. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Goddamit, I have to take a piss</i> — a
reality that would not be denied much longer. I’ll be damned if I’m going to
lie in my own filth even for continued solitude. My escape from underneath the
awning is thwarted by the immense weight of the snow that accumulated since my
arrival. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Try as I might, the awning
would not budge. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I panic. Premature
burial has always been my greatest fear. My screams are absorbed by the
insulation of snow. With my feet against the wall I shove against the awning to
no avail. I pound in vain on the canvas fabric of the awning. My breath becomes
shallow as I imagine the recirculation of my own toxic gas and no fresh oxygen
to replace it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Pulling out my pocketknife, I make
a thin slit in the awning fabric between the ribs of the structure. Crouching
beneath the opening I begin to claw my way through the drifted snow. My hands
turn new baby pink as I scoop away over three feet of snow. Packing the
tailings into the corners of the shelter, I am quickly running out of room. Finally
I breach through. A shaft of light, refracting off the tunnel of crystalline
snow, shines upon me. On my knees, hands uplifted I bask in that shaft of
light, deeply inhaling the crisp air from outside. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 74.0pt;">
<br /></div>
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More digging as I wrestle my head and shoulders through the
small slit opening and up through the canal of snow. My forehead bleeds
profusely from a cut receive from the rough edge of the metal frame. By the
time my head pokes through, the surrounding snow is stained red. “Yarrrrghhhh!”
I yell as I tumble out of my frigid womb into a landscape so white I can see no
deminsion. Mounds of fresh snow soften every angle. Cars look like ski moguls
and tree branches droop and crack under the heavy blanket of snow. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A pole sticking out of a dumpster catches my eye. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my penny loafers, lined with thin socks and
grocery bags, I make my over to the dumpster and shake the snow off the pole. It’s
a snow shovel. Its only dysfunction is the D-handle had broken off. Like Arthur
the page-boy I pull the shovel from the dumpster and hold it forth like Arthur
the King. This shovel is to be my salvation. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I begin to shovel the walk in front of the bakery and
receive two cinnamon rolls and cup of coffee for my efforts. The ladies in the
bakery suggest I continue shoveling the walk in front of the restaurant for
which I received $15. Within an hour I had cleared the walk in front of all the
shops on the block, earning over $150, and I begin to make my way to the
residences near-by. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I shovel a walk in front of a simple brick home, my mind
and body at peace with the labor, I hear the sounds of children laughing. I
clear a step and sit to smoke a cigarette and watch. A young family is setting
about to build a snowman. The father clad in a wool pants and sweater begins
the foundational ball as the mother, rosey cheeked, exhaling great plumes of
breath fiddles with the children’s mittens and hats. The youngest child sucks
on an icicle while the elder helps her father roll the giant ball. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The scene is joyous and pure. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I watch them play as I take slow drags of my cigarette. I
remember my wife. She hates me now. I remember my wife and remember why I hate
the number 2. 2 will break your heart. <o:p></o:p></div>
Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-56349645323375871152015-03-23T11:37:00.001-07:002015-03-23T11:37:28.860-07:00FOREVER CHANGED<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The prompt from Nicole B. Hagg~<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">There
was the bing of a new text, the envelope in front of her and the bottle of
tequila, all within arm’s reach.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
debated which to open first… ~<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></b>The
prompt was altered slightly for the purposes of Daniel Landes’s flash fiction
piece.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: .5in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 20.0pt;">Forever
Changed<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Our
fluids and hair were left on the peaks, and in the valleys of the bed
sheets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Scant evidence of our carnal
ritual, soon to be bleached and laundered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">She left
just before the sun rose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Somewhere
inside her was my vitality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You think
you are someone don’t you?” she asked as we shared a drink in a hotel bar in a
city neither of us lived.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I don’t
think, I know,” I responded slipping my hand further up her thigh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She removed it and placed it on the bar
top.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You have no idea what you’re dealing
with,” she said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“What, or whom, I’m
dealing with?” I ask.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She smiled turning
her eyes to the floor revealing a graceful arc from her shoulder to her
ear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could see the pulse of her heart
coursing through a bluish vein.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
brushed her neck with my fingertips.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
flushed red and repeated her self in a purr, “you have no idea what you are
dealing with.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">She
took my hands and opened them palm up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>With her index finger she traced a stigmata on both palms until a red
mark appeared between my line of life and my line of fate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Why would you do this to her?” she
asked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took my hands back and pumped them like a
heart beat. I was drowsy, past the point of no return.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“She did it to me first.” I said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Revenge?” she asked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took a sip of our drink and mulled over the
‘why’ of what I was doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Not
revenge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Equitability.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Balancing the scales.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“She knows you are here and why?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She asked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“She knows,” I answer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She again
looks to floor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her hair is a black as
the space between the stars.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I return my
hand to her thigh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She allows it to
stay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Without looking at me she says
“She knows you are here and why, but she can’t possibly imagine with
what.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again I wanted to ask her with ‘what’
or with ‘whom’ but I let it pass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I
allow myself to be led to the hotel room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She became intensely somber.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Before we cross the threshold from the fluorescent hallway to the dark
room I change my mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want nothing to
do with this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to push her away,
slam the door and lock it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just want
to go to bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am past the point of no
return.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We cross over and she takes
complete control.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The marks on my palms
began to burn as she covers my body with soft kisses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know what is happening, what is at stake,
but am powerless to stop it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She drained
me of my life force and replaced it with something dark and eternal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought of my wife, of revenge and the god
of love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">She
left with my vitality before the sun rose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I lay, forever changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I
heard the bing of a new text.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew it
was from my wife asking if it was done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>On the bedside was an envelope. In it would be confirmation that it
was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the dresser was a bottle of
tequila.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I reach for it forever changed,
forever changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-63014972588893505142015-03-15T09:02:00.001-07:002015-03-15T09:02:29.210-07:00NICER CARS<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Nicer Cars<o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I grew up in a suburban, South East Denver neighborhood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was quiet and safe. Routines were easy to
identify.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At 7:00 am the men pulled out of their garages
and followed the brass ring to work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mr.
Newman drove a Saab, Mr. Engles a Ford and my dad, an Audi.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At 8:00 am the neighborhood children walked
out their front doors to the bus stop where we’d brag and lie, push and
shove.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At 10:00 am the woman pulled
their cars out of the garage to run errands, volunteer at school, or play
tennis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t remember what they
drove, something practical to usher kids around in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My father didn’t always drive an Audi.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He drove a Datsun, then a Ford, then an Audi.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The cars followed his progress up the
corporate ladder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By the time he
purchased his Audi he began taking long walks with the neighbor lady, my best
friends mom, his mistress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mother contracted an autoimmune disease
during this time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The bus took us to school and dropped us in front of the
industrial brick building where we would queue up and wait for the bell to ring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the era of bussing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were Black kids, White kids, Mexican
kids, Vietnamese kids. I had a crush on a girl named Natalie, was bad at math,
and never won a blue ribbon on field day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I liked the way school lunch smelled but hated the way it tasted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fifth grade, my friend Rob, who matured
young, said Julie had a nice butt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had
no idea what he was talking about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
still played with toys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ronald Regan was President.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>His wife Nancy was first lady.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One
day all fifth and sixth grade students were given a very important letter to
take home to our parents announcing a very important meeting that was being
held at the high school lunchroom on an evening in the very near future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The importance of this letter was reinforced
by a phone call home to remind our parents that their attendance, along with
their child, was requested for a very important meeting at the high school
lunchroom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As the meeting day grew closer, the atmosphere around it
grew in intensity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We didn’t know what
the meeting was about, only that it was very important.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We kids all agreed that we would be there
with our parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On the night of the meeting, my mom, my best friend, his mom
(yes the one my dad was carrying on with) and I had a pre-meeting dinner at
Arby’s. I hardly had an appetite but managed to choked down a Jamocha shake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our mom’s spoke to each other in low
whispers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A woman, waiting for her take
out order, dropped her infant baby on the red tile floor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sound, a melon drop thud, was
sickening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all held our breath until
the baby let out a sharp scream. The mother then worked hard to comfort the
baby. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The high school lunchroom smelled like the elementary lunchroom
but was far bigger and had murals painted on the walls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were posters plastered announcing candidates
for student council.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I saw many kids
from my school, some had older siblings who attended the high school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The kids with older siblings looked cooler
and more comfortable than me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In front
of the older kids I became painfully self aware of the clothes I was
wearing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our group of four took seats at
a folding table.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Three police officers walked into the lunchroom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Two of them carried large black bags.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The eldest of the three welcomed us to the meeting and
thanked us for being there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“There is an epidemic infecting the children of America.”
His began in a deep authoritarian voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“An epidemic that is ruining
families, lives and the American dream.” He paused looking just over the heads
of his audience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“We are here tonight to
educate you the parents, and you the children, about the dangers of drugs.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A low whisper spread throughout the room as the officers
began unpacking their bags loaded with drug paraphernalia, and to our great surprise
actual drugs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That night we learned
about pills, weed, shrooms, acid, PCP, Heroine, opiates, all of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We saw bongs, rolling papers, and hash
pipes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We heard horror stories of
addicts and promising young lives ruined by drugs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just one hit of weed, one dose of acid and a
star athlete was now eating paint chips on skid row.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another officer introduced ‘McRuff the Crime Dog’ who
advised us that ‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">only losers use drugs’</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They always use a dog for this kind of
authoritative mascoting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A cat wouldn’t
care if you did drugs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Do drugs, don’t do drugs. I don’t care. Just
stay out of my sun</i>.” The crime cat would say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then the police officers showed a short, unforgettable film about
a kid who ate some acid and went to the store.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Why go to the store on acid?</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyway, a hallucinogenic nightmare plagued
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As he reached for an orange it
filled with maggots and worms, the check out lady went <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Large Marge</i> on him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The kid, in the throws of a bad trip, ran from
the security guard who was trying to help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In a demented rage he ran through a melting city up to the top of a building
and threw himself off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The film was
unnerving. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nancy Regan made a cameo at the end of the film and
addressed us; “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Drugs take away the dream
from every child’s heart and replaces it with a nightmare, and it’s time we in
America stand up and replace those dreams.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Children if someone offers you drugs ‘Just Say NO.</i>” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We all left the meeting quietly, scared, and forever
changed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That night I lay in bed thinking of all that I learned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And here’s the fucked up part.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew, despite how scared I was, that someday
I would totally try drugs<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
… and I did.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have often claimed that my life was bettered by the
moderate use of hallucinogenic drugs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Mushrooms and acid had a profound effect on how I saw the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After using them a couple times I became
aware of the “lives of quiet desperation” of my father and the men in my
neighborhood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt the graveyard of my
stomach as it digested the flesh of animals and searched for compassionate
alternatives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I recognized our home
planet as sentient and interconnected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
understood my self as ethnocentric and miss educated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My reading took a turned from Steinbeck and
Hemingway to Tom Robbins, Richard Bach, then to the beats.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From Kerouac I discovered Gary Snyder and
from Snyder Alan Watts, and from Watts, Lao Tzu.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My life was greatly influenced by my moderate use of hallucinogenic
drugs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I read Watt’s book The
WaterCourse Way and opened a restaurant based on the Taoist philosophies it
trumpeted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With the guidance of psychotropics
I understood the illusory nature of this physical reality and so proceed forth
into this life with great confidence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
was fearless.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I applied my understanding
of gentle power to feed people, to serve people, to practice compassion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it worked!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was as if the drugs allowed me to skip the
first eight chapters in the metaphorical book of spiritual enlightenment
allowing me to just get to work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
married the woman I loved and she gave birth to two beautiful boys. We raised
them in a one-room cabin in the woods where we split wood and carried
water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our successes created other successes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We began to buy property, open other
businesses in other countries, moved down to the city.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My attention was on creating things, and
stuff, and success!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By the time I was
forty, for all intents and purposes, I was a success.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My intentions were good, the results
positive, the money flowed in. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We drove nicer and nicer cars.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then my marriage fell the fuck apart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And boy, was it ever an ugly
disentanglement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All these beautiful things, this gentle stuff was litigated,
and dissected by lawyers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Incomes were
tallied, businesses were quantified, details were picked apart, sums were divided,
and all these successes, these beautiful things, looked ugly to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What was once fluid and gentle now became
crystallized and jagged like the vicious grit of a kidney stone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I flailed and suffered through the meat-grinder of the
divorce process I looked to the spiritual enlightenment I attained with the aid
of the moderate use of hallucinogenic drugs for help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It was
not available to me</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Come to find out, the kind of spiritual help I needed, as my
life was falling apart, was written in the first eight chapters of the
metaphorical book of spiritual enlightenment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The chapters I skipped as I tripped mushrooms in the canyonlands of Utah
communing with the grandfathers and grandmothers of earth and sun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never knew I would regret skipping those
chapters until I sat in my apartment alone and cried out in pain and confusion
and no one answered.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And so I stayed in my darkness, alone… until recently when I
learned what chapter one in the metaphorical book of spiritual enlightenment is
titled.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Chapter One<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meditation<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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And so the real work begins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-64772341247223951222014-11-11T05:46:00.001-08:002015-03-15T10:33:19.539-07:00Flash Fiction for Suspect Press<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The
flash fiction prompt, 'the last time I arrived at a party unannounced' was given to Dan Landes by his good friend Kris Scuccimara<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">Man Maker<i> <o:p></o:p></i></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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She wasn’t in love with him when she got pregnant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Time and his stories changed that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She didn’t even know him when she got
pregnant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Time and his stories changed
that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They met one night at a dive
bar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was a regular.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was there with a friend that encouraged
her to ‘just fuck someone’ in hopes it would help her get over the visceral
heartbreak of losing her true love who dumped her in a most ungracious fashion.
Before they fucked he said to her, ‘I take full responsibility for my actions’
and then he came in her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those words
came back to her as she stared at the plus sign on the pregnancy test two weeks
later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘Do I?’ she wondered.<o:p></o:p></div>
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He texted her a handful of times after their encounter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She ignored them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘Too needy’ her friend had said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘Just ‘cause you fucked him doesn’t mean you
want to see him again’ she said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
didn’t want to see him again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘He was
just a fuck’ she told herself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘He’s a
loser’ she thought, ‘he told me so himself.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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He met her at the clinic for every doctor’s
appointment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As they waited he held her
attention by telling her stories of his life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They were sad, real stories full of introspection and humor,
embarrassing stories about a botched life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>‘I once ate a urinal cake.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
told her at week 33.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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When the baby was 9 months old they got married.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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They walked with each other each evening, the baby snug to
his chest in a strappy carrier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She held
his hand and looked at her feet as he and the baby looked about at the houses,
parked cars and sovereign cats peering from porches and wheel wells.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His hand in hers he pumped the rhythm to the
words ‘do you love me?’ to which she pumped back, ‘yes I do.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To which he pumped ‘how much?’ In silent
response she squeezed his hand until her knuckles splotched pink and
white.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘That’s a lot!’ he would say, or
‘is that all?’<o:p></o:p></div>
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On one of their evening walks he pointed to an apartment building
‘did I ever tell you the story of the last time I arrived at a party
unannounced?’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She wiped some spit up off
the babies mouth, ‘no my love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You never
have.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-18310982187706307632014-09-25T09:25:00.004-07:002014-09-25T09:25:50.852-07:00Revolt to What?<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<i>The rattle clack hum swaying of the cold steel train shakes my belly and head as I sweat out a bohemian style hangover. Czech beers are insidious, a tool brewed to pacify the populous. One is never enough, ten is almost enough, by fifteen in you are shoulder to shoulder with a knot of new friends pissing an anti fascist slogan on the wall of an alley. Fifteen in and you’re too drunk to realize the world is passing you by along with sunrise pedestrians on their way to work. Grey bodies off to work, heads down collars up, stepping carelessly on the cracks in the sidewalk, off to work, never noticing your pissing stance in the alley as they suffer through hangovers of their own. </i><br />
<br />
“Czech people are caught in a vicious cycle, “ Peter said last night as we drank mugs of pilsner at a long community table in a dark pub near the cathedral. “The only way to cure the hangover is to drink again. All Czech people do is work and drink, work and drink, work and drink.” He pauses to drink. “And then we die”. He finishes lifting his mug from the table and toasts us “pro zivot zijeme, není zivot jsme chteli”.<br />
<br />
We all drink. I take a drag off my cigarette. The ribbon of smoke twists around the ankles of a dummy hanging from the rafters by a noose. <br />
<br />
“What does this mean?” asks Féder, a professor from Buenas Aires, now in Prague to guest lecturer on León Ferrari. Not for Ferrari’s work as a conceptual artist but for the articles he wrote for the left-leaning Agrentinian newspaper página . In the two years since the fall of communism the intellectuals at Charles University stopped looking over their shoulder for brown shirts and became obsessed with artists in exile<br />
<br />
“To the lives we live, not the lives we wanted.” Peter translates. <br />
<br />
Féder nods and drinks. As do I. <br />
<br />
“Look at this fucking sheep,” Peter points to a swollen faced guy in a blue blazer standing at the bar, his back turned to us, ordering mugs of pilsner for his crew. The white salt stains on the underarms of his blazer indicate the high water marks of his daily detoxing. The white rings of dry sweat from each armpit bisect across his middle spine like overlapping salt-water ripples. “Three years ago that fuck was a loyal communist now he thinks he’s a goddam American college boy. A sigma-fucking phi getting ankle tattoos and talking about the NBA.” <br />
<br />
“Show your tattoo!” Peter shouts at him in English. Turning around he mouths jíst hovno back to Peter. <br />
<br />
Peter looks us over running his fingers through his long hair. His eyes are red and tired. He looks like shit for a twenty five year old. “It’s a fucking Mickey Mouse.” He shakes his head. “Right here, fifty years ago, tattoos were a death mark. Now this fuck gets Mickey Mouse tattooed on his skin. Mickey Mouse, the rodent mascot to the grand simulacra. The big-eared symbol of inauthenticity, all the architecture none of the grit. To the new Prague!” Peter lifts his mug and swills. He wipes up a puddle of spilled beer off the table with a napkin, wads it up and throws it at the communist turned frat boy, “Fuck You!” <br />
<br />
The wet wad lands like organ meat falling from a butcher’s table with a splat in the middle of the their table. None of the men turn around. They just huddled closer together in a calculating not cowardly way.<br />
<br />
I look up from my beer at the dummy hanging from the rafters directly over my head. On the bottom of its bare feet are blisters from cigarette lighters. <br />
<br />
“I haven’t spoken in three weeks,” I say. My voice sounds lame.<br />
<br />
Peter looks at me. “Say that again.” <br />
<br />
I clear my throat, “I haven’t spoken in three weeks,” I repeat a little stronger.<br />
<br />
“Illinois?” he asks me. <br />
<br />
I look at him blankly. <br />
<br />
“Say it one more time,” Peter’s eyes are studying my mouth.<br />
<br />
“I haven’t spoken in three weeks,” I say for third time.<br />
<br />
“Ohio?”<br />
<br />
I shake my head.<br />
<br />
“Mid-West though? Right?”<br />
<br />
“Colorado,” now saying the seventh word I’ve said in three weeks.<br />
<br />
“C’mon, give it to me. Colorado is pretty much the Mid-West. Not bad for a guy who has never left Prague.” <br />
<br />
<i>The train pitches laterally rocking me from my revere of last night’s events. I’m hungry, thirsty and so hung over I can hardly open my eyes. My right hand is sore and my temples throb. The door slides open filling the train with bitter cold air. Sitting across from me a mother, broad shouldered and mannish, restrains a young pre-school aged boy whom is destined to suffer with his flat head and wide-set abuse me eyes. Her hand clamps the sleeve of his mustard yellow nylon jacket. The boy, goat born, bleats and hisses his frustration of being held captive by this ugly woman. The cords of his caprine neck protrude as he pulls desperately to slip through the closing gap of the steel door. To escape. The mother jerks him back as the train lurches forward. The child loses his balance and slams the back of his head hard into the cold corner of the windowsill. His eyes meet mine as he winds up for a howl of pain. The train lurches again slamming his thick head even harder into the window. The child looses consciousness. The mother puts his head on her lap and strokes his coarse black hair. I am grateful for the silence in which to suffer through this hangover. </i><br />
<br />
Of the many women in the pub last night there was only one worth noticing. Selena. Selena, smoking a thin cigarette, slides down closer to our group.<br />
<br />
“Why you not speak for three weeks,” asks Féder. <br />
<br />
“I have nothing to contribute to the peanut butter vegemite debate.” I say. <br />
<br />
“I’ll bite,” Selena says looking at me from behind jet-black windowpane bangs pausing to allow the full effect of the double entendre. “what is the peanut butter vegemite debate?”<br />
<br />
Peter and Féder both lean in as if the answer to this question holds some importance. “It’s the hot topic of Australian backpackers. If they find out your are from America they feel the need to argue why vegemite is better than peanut butter.”<br />
<br />
“They have to have pride in something,” Selena remarks. Her accent is one in which you would expect her to end every sentence with darling. “Do you like peanut butter very much?” she asks.<br />
<br />
“What’s peanut butter?” This my patent response to the dopey Australians who widen their eyes and drop their jaws as they try to wrap their heads around the idea that an American exists having never heard of peanut butter. <br />
<br />
Selena blows smoke out of her pursed red lips. “Of course the boy who doesn’t speak for three weeks has never heard of peanut butter.”<br />
<br />
“Why speak now?” asks Peter. <br />
<br />
Selena. <br />
<br />
“Tell me about the velvet revolution,” I ask him. <br />
<br />
Peter reaches for the bag of Drum tobacco sitting in the middle of the table and begins rolling a cigarette. “In 1967 my grandfather was tied naked to a steel bed frame, just the frame.” He pauses to moisten the glue on the rolling paper. “You know Samizdat?” Peter asks. I shake my head no. “Samizdat were pamphlets written by agitators. Samizdat was a clandestine way of passing information about activity in the Soviet bloc. Very fucking dangerous to do. My grandfather was tougher than your cowboys. He wrote, edited, published and distributed anti-communist pamphlets until he got tied to a fucking bed frame by the secret police. They hooked up a car battery to the frame and shocked him until the battery ran out. Again and again and again.” <br />
<br />
The wet napkin wad remained untouched in the middle of the frat boy’s table.<br />
<br />
“One is born an agitator.” Peter continued. “My grandfather, my father, me, we are all born agitators. Even if we were born in a sprawling estate on your Cape Cod with silver spoons stuffed in our mouths we would organize to shut down the boarding school we were shipped off to. It’s our nature. My grandfather was tied to a steel bed frame and shocked in cycles for 10 days for being caught writing Samizdat, my father disappeared during the Prague Spring, and me?” Peter pulls back his hair reveling a creator in his forehead where a truncheon caved it in “I got this November 17, 1989, the first day of the student protests…”<br />
<br />
“The revolution that eventually ousted the Soviets.” Selena finished. <br />
<br />
Peter’s dark eyes focus on the full mug of beer in front of him. He stares at the retreating head as the foam bubbles pop. The frat boys, vying for attention from some ladies one table over, laugh and slam hands on the tabletop. More people arrive in the pub shaking off the cold looking for seats in the crowded bar. The frat boy with the Mickey Mouse tattoo turns around. He wears a Rage Against the Machine t-shirt beneath his blazer. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Peter asks shaking his head. “We traded Soviet control for the long hard cock of capitalism and I helped force open the legs.”<br />
<br />
“You could not know what lie in wait beyond the Iron Curtain,” says Féder.<br />
<br />
“I should have assumed it was shit,” Peter says bitterly before continuing his story. “Artists toppled the oligarchy. Artists and students. After the government attack on protestors on the 17th, as I lay unconscious on my mothers couch, the actor’s went on strike along side the students. Theaters were transformed into gathering places for the disenfranchised. From the stage agitators would speak of revolution to a packed house. Our cry for change was familiar to all attending, except this time we were not whispering our discontent in bars over beers for fear of persecution we screamed them from the stage. Within ten days of the student attacks the entire country went on a two hour strike. Two days after that the constitution was amended to abolish the control of the communist party. The revolution happened while I lay on my mother’s couch with a bandage around my head.”<br />
<br />
“This could never happen in your country.” Peter says to me.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I was not in the mood for another peanut butter vegemite debate. Europeans assume all Americans are the spoiled cousin come to visit the salt mines from the country club bringing our cheap first world problems in luxury suitcases bitching about tennis elbow and skin cancer. “No shit,” I say eyes locked on to Peter’s, “agitators are just idealists leading the way to a dead end. Congrats on your successful revolution.” I raise my glass. Selena moves closer to me. Peter gets up to take a piss. The frat boys follow him. Féder taps my shoulder and we rise together readying for a fight. Selena looks up at the dummy. It’s wearing a Harley-Davidson t-shirt.<br />
<br />
“Until soon,” I say bending over to kiss Selena’s cheek. <br />
<br />
“Until soon,” she returns.<br />
<br />
<i>The rattle clack hum swaying of the cold steel train shakes my belly and head as I sweat out a bohemian style hangover. Czech beers are insidious…</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-8528349089350174202014-06-24T08:47:00.002-07:002014-06-24T09:41:02.344-07:00Mezcal vs. Tequila<br />
<br />
<br />
At some point on the road to becoming an expert the fun gets out, sticks out its thumb and hitches a ride back into the world of innocence and adventure. <br />
I never want to be an expert on Mezcal or talk too much about it. I just want to drink it (preferably in the country of it’s production). I know enough about Mezcal to tell you that Mezcal she is the older wiser sister to her brother Tequila. The cool older sister, the one who in the ninth grade read Carlos Castanada, ate hallucinogens, and began studying transcendental meditation and shamanism. Her books were her distraction while her younger brother Tequila was all about tits, ass and torque. <br />
<br />
On a date with Tequila, you zoom through the night; talk shit, drive fast and fuck faster. Mezcal, a romantic, leads her love along a secret, moon lit, silver ribbon tributary, fucks her nice and slow as luminous moon water laps the damp river rocks wrapped in soft moss. <br />
<br />
Tequila wakes up the morning after , eats a greasy breakfast, sheds a nasty dump, and itches to do it all over again. Mezcal wakes up, fucks again, falls asleep, wakes up, grabs the book off her nightstand and spends the rest of the morning reading and drinking coffee. It’s like my friend Todd ( a Mezcal importer) said “Mezcal is to mushrooms as Tequila is to cocaine.” I fucking hate cocaine, I like Tequila but I love Mezcal. <br />
<br />
Over the past 80,000 years two great plant consciousness’s, corn and maguey, battled for dominance in Mesoamerica. Corn is currently winning the battle, but much like dogs, corn depends on humans for its survival. Maguey, no man it’s master, is rouge and can survive and thrive without the hands of man. Before corn manipulated the Pueblos, Incas, Maya and Aztecs into becoming agriculturalists and disciples, the maguey plant was the most versatile and widely exploited plant in pre-Hispanic Mexico. From its flesh came materials to build homes, get drunk (slowly), sew up clothes, and eat. Like the return of the bison, in time, maguey, with its versatile independence, will once more dominate the landscape of the southwestern Americas. Until then we do corn’s bidding. <br />
<br />
Both Mezcal and Tequila are made from the maguey plant,. Maguey, also known as agave is a member of the lily family. Maguey only blossoms when its own death is imminent. The flower, a mortal flag signaling its capitulation to this sun life, opens to be pollinated by bees, bats and hummingbirds. The plant then dies and is absorbed once again by the earth to be reduced, reused and recycled. This death offering is a well-known symbol in Mexico; sacrifice perpetuates life. <br />
<br />
Although both Mezcal and Tequila are made from the maguey plant, Tequila’s industrialized production shortcuts, mono-cropping and shrewd market dominance anger its spirit. This anger permeates into the consumer resulting in punchy/kicky drunks who do dumb, regrettable shit. Alternatively there is Mezcal, which must be made with 100% agave and bottled in Mexico, Tequila can be cut with up to 51% other alcohols, and can be bottled outside of Mexico. There are 30 different maguey plants that can be used to make Mezcal. Tequila is shackled to being produced by only one type of maguey “blue agave”. Mezcal celebrates the vibrancy of nature by allowing for biodiversity. The production of Tequila abominates nature with it’s forced mono-cropping. <br />
<br />
Tequila is a brand that allows for its mass production. There are100% agave Tequilas on the market of great quality and produced with respect to tradition by wonderful passionate people, yet they are bound to the angry spirit of the entirety of the brand. Mezcal is not a brand it is a force. <br />
<br />
<i>…wait, at what point on the road to becoming an expert did you get out Daniel? And what about not talking about it too much? You are pontificating on Mezcal like a pinché gringo. What’d you do an “extensive” google search on the topic? Neat. Tell us why is Mezcal magic.<br />
</i><br />
From valleys Mezcal speaks of the earth and fire, muscles, machetes and mules. Placed on pine bars in dry mountain towns Mezcal tells stories of the sun and moon. In cities it shares love stories and mollifies the pain of war and loss. Mezcal is the combined spirit of the mighty maguey, the mottled red soil of Mexico, the indefatigable Mexican laborer, and the fornicating Spaniard’s who first distilled it. <br />
<br />
The first sip of Mezcal burns a red hot line from tongue to tummy like Cortez’s march through Mexico to overthrow the Aztec empire. If you don’t know where the bottom of your stomach lies the first sip of Mezcal will show you. The second sip releases the smoke. By the third sip earth notes are revealed in whispers of the buried Mezcaleros who finally know the secrets of the subsoil that held the roots and worms. <br />
<br />
Mezcal is earth, animal, smoke, stone and people/love/magic. By paying good money for it we help maintain a way of life that goes back five hundred years. It is produced in small quite towns in the high hills outside of Oaxaca where men ride bikes and dogs don’t do much. In little villages where kids walk down dusty roads in school uniforms and smile teasingly at lanky white guys that come to “experience Mezcal”. Where women pat tortillas into shape and cook them quickly on a wood fired stovetops while clothes dry on a line and babies wrapped in soft shawls sleep contentedly. Mezcal is the spirit of Mexico. <br />
Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-6667787658335206282014-05-23T08:42:00.001-07:002014-05-23T08:43:11.632-07:00Lists for Suspect Press<br />
<br />
<b>My Top Hopes the Legalization on Marijuana will have on the city of Denver</b><br />
<br />
I hope that those who own dispensaries begin to consider using good design. Please hire good graphic designers, interior designers, and local artists, craftspeople, furniture makers, and sign painters to promote your business. The 420 culture needs to give way to the new style. One invested in good design. <br />
<br />
The collective consciousness of Denver becomes more insightful and mindful. I would hope that cases of domestic violence decrease, drunk driving accidents decrease, violent crime decreases. <br />
<br />
I hope the stoned citizens of Denver take time to appreciate how fucking beautiful the blue of our sky is. <br />
<br />
I hope the stoned citizens of Denver never, ever, leave their edibles out for children to find. <br />
<br />
I hope though the taxes collected by the sale of Marijuana that Denver invests in quality education for our children (see my essay in this issue). <br />
<br />
I hope cops chill out and can begin to focus more on their mission to serve and protect instead of harass and beat down. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Top reasons I love hip hop</b><br />
<br />
1987, 10th grade, Thomas Jefferson High School, Denver, CO<br />
Waiting in a car with a German engineered soundsystem, outside H***Ks liquor store in five points, taking turns shoulder tapping brothers to buy us a bottle of wild iris rose, “gimme a pint a rosie with a skirt” (a skirt being the paper bag), listening to that 808 boom on Run DMC’s Dumb Girl. <br />
<br />
1994, the coldest spot in Colorado, Gunnison, CO.<br />
Bought the Fugees Blunted on Reality and listened to it on repeat for a year. <br />
<br />
<br />
2/23/1995 Prague, Czech Repulic<br />
On my way to the Sports Hall to see the Beastie Boys witnessed a phalanx of Neo Nazi Fucktards in white laced 20 hole Doc Marten Jack Boots high step in unison down the cobblestone street in front of the Pinkas Synagogue Holocaust Musesum as if the ghost Heinrich Himmler was behind them eating the masticated rutabaga out of their assholes, prodding the dummies along with a nasty Nazi rim job. <br />
The cold war was barely over, Prauge was just beginning to spread it’s legs to the hard cock of Western influence, when three Jewish cats from New York sell out Prauge’s ice arena on their European Ill Communication tour. The arena was packed, I looked in vain for fire exits. After the third song Ad Rock takes the mic, puffs out his chest and shouts “FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!...”. I could only imagine him saying this to those dickless Neo Nazi’s and those that came before. <br />
<br />
11/23/2012 San Luis Valley <br />
Driving through the high desert plateau with my kids by my side. The sun setting over the western mountains casting a pink glow on the valley. Charley pulls out a CD that his friend Riley burned for him. Written in drippy paint pen was one word EARL. <br />
<br />
Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-54231420457800258742014-04-28T07:57:00.002-07:002014-04-28T08:05:41.146-07:00WATERCOURSE FOODS GOES 100% VEGANPerhaps all restaurants are based on philosophy. Perhaps not.<br />
<br />
As the name would suggest WaterCourse Foods was born beside a stream. At 24, I felt angry at the world, so I went for a long walk following the Colorado Trail from Denver to Gunnison. I carried a book, a pencil and a pad. I also lugged around my baggage that continued to fall away the further I walked. After fourteen days of walking I sat beside a crystalline stream, 13,000 feet above sea level, and pumped filtered water into my bottle. The sun, a bright ball, slowly crossed a brilliantly blue sky and shined lovingly on the alpine tundra, as pikas chirped and butterflies alighted small blue forget-me-nots. <br />
<br />
I sat beside the stream, a twist of angst and appreciation, noticing the beauty of nature, but also painfully aware of my negative effect on it. Conflicted. Books have always been my escape from the crisis of existence. While reading l feel as though I am participating with out influencing. The word order is predetermined; my participation does not effect the outcome. Reading is peaceful. Pulling the book, The Tao de Ching, from my backpack I hoped to escape my own thoughts. The passage I read there besides the stream was to be the basis for WaterCourse Foods.<br />
<br />
8<br />
The supreme good is like water,<br />
which nourishes all things without trying to.<br />
It is content with the low places that people disdain.<br />
Thus it is like the Tao.<br />
<br />
In dwelling, live close to the ground.<br />
In thinking, keep to the simple.<br />
In conflict, be fair and generous.<br />
In governing, don’t try to control.<br />
In work, do what you enjoy.<br />
In family life, be completely present.<br />
<br />
When you are content to be simply yourself<br />
and don’t compare or compete,<br />
everybody will respect you. <br />
<br />
<br />
These words, each a management technique, had a profound effect on me. I learned that although my existence on earth my have a net negative effect I have an opportunity to live gently upon it. So I applied my 10 years of restaurant experience and opened a vegetarian restaurant. <br />
<br />
I have sat beside the stream of WaterCourse Foods for the last 16 years and witnessed it nourish a city. I tumbled through the rapids and occasionally enjoyed the calmer waters. I have waited patiently for the time to come to truly live up to our motto “EAT THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTENCE.” <br />
<br />
The time has come. It is with great pride in WaterCourse Foods, Denver, CO and all the wonderful people from around the world that have supported WaterCourse over the years that I announce;<br />
<br />
WaterCourse Foods is 100% VEGAN!<br />
<br />
From this day forward 100% of the WaterCourse Foods menu will be sourced from plants. We celebrate the way we always have at WaterCourse, with a plate of comfort food and a cold pint of beer. <br />
<br />
Love always,<br />
Daniel Landes<br />
<br />
Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-56055711333814984472014-04-03T16:16:00.001-07:002014-04-03T16:16:35.780-07:00The Akward Morning After- A Flash Fiction topic from Brian PolkThe awkward morning after<br />
My tongue is a dried cocoon. My head is caving in. I have been dreaming of draining pitchers of water into my depleted body. I always forget to drink water when I’m back in Denver. <br />
<br />
“I drank too much beer and smoked too much weed,” I said to her.<br />
<br />
“Welcome to Denver, now go back to sleep,” she responds without opening her eyes. <br />
<br />
Rolling her off my arm I try to remember her name.<br />
<br />
Her toilet bowl is freckled. Clearly she did not intend on having company last night. The only glass in the bathroom, smudged white with toothpaste, has toothbrushes in it. I rinse the glass with hot water and hand soap and then fill it with lukewarm tap water. As I drain the third glass I can hear my cells crackle back into form. My pee is dark. I drain two more glasses of water and go back into her bedroom.<br />
<br />
I pray to god to see the empty, golden, foil wrapper indicating good decision making on the floor next to the bed, or glinting somewhere in the folds of the sheets. I see none. <br />
<br />
“Fuck,” I think. <br />
<br />
Her bra is crumpled at the foot of the bed. <br />
<br />
As she sleeps I trace what may have been her bra history. From her first one, purchased six months before she needed it, but a long four months after her best friend got one. There were the bras that didn’t fit, the ones that chaffed, the one bought and worn for the first boy she ever loved, the one she calls her favorite, the one she can wear with a backless dress and the one now crumpled at the foot of her bed. <br />
<br />
Her hair covers her face. I delicately brush it back behind her ear. She is beautiful.<br />
<br />
I kiss her softly. She opens her eyes and smiles rolling on her back. She is really beautiful. <br />
<br />
Her smile grows as I brush more hair from her face. I smile back.<br />
<br />
“Water,” she says.<br />
<br />
When I return with the bathroom glass filled with tap water she sits up and drains it. I fill it up again for her. We are both naked sitting on her bed. She puts her arm around me, rests her head on my shoulder and whispers in my ear shamelessly “tell me your name again. “<br />
<br />
We did not leave her room the rest of the day. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-71491367152237385752014-04-03T16:14:00.001-07:002014-04-03T16:14:06.227-07:00Post Industrial Crow ChildrenPost Industrial Crow Children<br />
<br />
My first day of kindergarten was in the fall of 1976. From that moment on the Denver Public School system attempted to educate me. By applying a district approved educational system to my unique and wondrous psyche the DPS tried to educate me enough to meet a district-approved standard. The system utilized obedience to time and authority to achieve their results. Those students with a basic aptitude for rote memory, math and subservience tended to thrive in the school system of my time. Those students who had a basic aptitude for mythology, playing make believe, and, expected authority to earn respect, rather than demand it, tended to do poorly in my school system. I was distinctly the latter. <br />
<br />
Denver Public Schools had systems in place to promote those who excelled in sports, academics or both. They also had systems to cope with those with behavioral problems and obvious learning struggles. I was neither smart nor dumb, an athlete nor an academic . I was good at recess. <br />
<br />
It was not the fault of the grossly underfunded school system that my talents for play were summarily overlooked, I blame the industrial revolution. As a result of the industrial revolution, we Americans needed an educational system to produce good factory workers. As students, like clock-punching laborers, we lined up outside the school, single file; waiting for the bell to ring indicating it was time to enter the utilitarian building. In the classroom we sat in rows and were given instructions by the authority at the head of the class. Our work was graded on a scale. Excellence was rewarded, mediocrity was expected and failure was managed. We were motivated by bells, discipline and rewards. There was no place for a being like mine in the factory. <br />
<br />
The DPS did provide me with an education. I learned to sleep with my eyes open. I learned to keep a perfect beat as I counted down the seconds, minutes, hours, months, years, until I would be free from that educational system. I learned to cheat guilt free. I learned that lunchroom milk is only palatable when served ice cold. The skill I have most benefited from is; how to assess a situation in a fraction of a second and adjust my behavior in order to avoid unwanted attention yet ultimately get the results I want. A basic jungle lesson. <br />
<br />
Being a pleasure seeking human I wanted to avoid the threats and reap the rewards of the system so I made attempts to get good grades. It was apparent I did not have the necessary aptitude for success in that particular system. Eventually I sunk to the slow-moving, deep eddies of the public school system known as the remedial classroom. As opposed to AP classes where the goal is to prepare you for college, the goal of a remedial classroom is to provide the students with the bare minimum of necessary information to participate in the economy and the democracy. The low expectations of the remedial classroom provided the perfect climate to hide. I was thankfully overlooked by the system. <br />
<br />
As I watched high functioning students take on a great many activates, and hours of homework, I began to wonder if the goal of the school system is to burn out their adrenal glands. Take the fight out of ‘em. The most successful students were always busy and stressed out. Stress is not good for the body. Even at fifteen. A less toxic stress, mostly caused by trying to avoid conflict, existed for the students in the remedial classroom, which tended to be populated with those who prefer the slow swirling waters of under achievement. <br />
<br />
Compared to the focused energy of a college prep classroom, the remedial climate was breezy. The smartest teachers learned they could spend time trying to focus a group of smart-ass kids who don’t give a fuck, or they could create a mellow environment dedicated to activities like “free reading” or “study hall”. The smartest teachers caught up on their work while we read books, slept or wrote notes. I read books of my choosing. Imagine the abrupt transition from being totally absorbed in Tom Robbins’ luscious romantic novel, Still Life with Woodpecker ,only to step into the fray of a 1980’s high school hallway replete with cliques, pegged jeans, and violence. <br />
<br />
The detention room was also a safe haven. Confined to an antiseptic desk, I spent hours trying to think of nothingness. As time slowly passed I listened as teachers gossiped, witnessed their faces contort with the stresses of the work place and the struggles of their existence outside of it. As we sat at our respective desks, each eating our sack lunch, it became very clear, we were both in detention. <br />
<br />
By the time I reached the tenth grade I had failed a dozen classes. The phrase “not working up to potential” was the indelible mark on my permanent file. So many hours had been spent in detention that I knew how many holes were in 12’ x 12’ acoustic tile. Not by using multiplication, but by counting them individually. Fuck math. I could also drink as many beers as my years and still drive home and say goodnight to my parents before the stroke of midnight. Drinking was something I was good at. I did it well and I did it often. <br />
<br />
I lived like a eastern block communist. I went to the factory during the day and got drunk at night.<br />
<br />
*<br />
And when I was grown I had two kids of my own.<br />
<br />
Smart kids. My oldest son was yet two we sat on a hilltop as the sun began to set. I was overwhelmed by stresses at work. He smiled and cooed in the dirt. I was distracted by my own plight. A crow circled overhead. <br />
<br />
Caw Caw Caw… said the crow.<br />
<br />
Caw caw caw… mimicked my son.<br />
<br />
Pulled from my self-absorption the crow called out again. Again my son answerd.<br />
<br />
With a nod he looked at me. His shining eyes communicated the wonderment and humor in the world. In that moment my stress breezed away and we laughed together at how funny crows are. <br />
<br />
On a Saturday morning, when my youngest was seven, he bumbled underfoot as I poured coffee. Dogs plodded through the kitchen, cats hopped on counter tops and my youngest spun contentedly amongst my legs and pets. Again I was distracted by stresses external. I was hardly present to the morning light shining through the kitchen window on to a perfect domestic morning. <br />
<br />
“Dad do you know there are only seven stories in the world?” asked my son pulling on my pajama pants.<br />
<br />
There is no stress grand enough that a comment like that can’t cut through it easy. <br />
<br />
“What?” I asked.<br />
<br />
“There are really only seven stories in the world. We just tell them differently.” He said as he floated out of the kitchen chasing some animal tail or another. <br />
<br />
Yes, it was my responsibility to send these blessed children to school.<br />
<br />
So we chose a brilliant school. A public school. A school rife with the struggles of trying to change the order of things. A school trying to do what is right by children’s intrinsic genius while placating standards set by an impuissant government that has continued to fail us in regards to the education of our children for decades. We chose an expeditionary learning school. Jefferson County Open School. <br />
<br />
Forty years ago the “Open School” philosophy responded to the industrialized information cram approach to education, by allowing students to be self-directed and aspire to be life long learners. Open School followed in the words of William Butler Yeats "Education is not filling a bucket, but lighting a fire". Students work hard within the great freedoms they are entitled to not because of the threat of a bad grade or detention, they work hard because that is their nature. Open School trusts that the human lust for learning exists in all kids they just need the environment to explore it. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-3974573367316390412012-08-31T09:57:00.000-07:002012-08-31T09:59:17.183-07:00MORE GRAVITY POEMS<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>HORTICREATURE</b><br />
<br />
THIS FRAIL BLOOM<br />
IS A FAKE<br />
<br />
<b>WHAT I’VE LEARNED BETWEEN THE YEARS 2008-2012</b><br />
<br />
ALL PRESIDENTS LIE<br />
EVEN BLACK ONES<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>TOURIST</b><br />
<br />
I HAVE INVESTED <br />
CONSIDERABLE AMOUNTS OF MONEY<br />
INTO THE QUALITY OF LUGGAGE<br />
THAT I CARRY MY CHEAP FIRST WORLD <br />
PROBLEMS IN<br />
<br />
<b>HOW I SMUGGLED POEMS OFF OF TATOOINE</b><br />
<br />
HI,<br />
YOU SILLY COP<br />
<br />
I KNOW WHY YOU’RE SO MAD<br />
AND TREAT ME SO BAD<br />
<br />
BUT TRUST THESE WORDS:<br />
<br />
YOUR GIRLFRIEND DIDN’T TELL ME ABOUT YOU<br />
CAUSE HER MOUTH WAS FULL<br />
<br />
AND I DIDN’T ASK <br />
CAUSE I WAS TOO DISTRACTED BY THAT ASS<br />
<br />
THESE AREN’T THE POEMS<br />
YOU ARE LOOKING FOR<br />
SO MOVE ALONG<br />
<br />
YOU SILLY COP<br />
Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-66232143443230201852012-08-28T09:38:00.000-07:002012-08-28T09:39:21.834-07:00Gravity Poems<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>SOUL COMPOST <br />
OR THE DARK SIDE OF ORGANIC</b><br />
<br />
I THINK I FOUND<br />
THE LIME WEDGE<br />
IN THE COMPOST I WAS TURNING<br />
FROM THE GIN AND TONIC <br />
I WAS DRINKING<br />
ON THE NIGHT I REALLY FUCKED UP<br />
<br />
<b>TO TELL THE TRUTH</b><br />
<br />
I HAVE NEVER ENJOYED<br />
THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE<br />
SPEAKING OF BOYFRIENDS PAST<br />
<br />
<b>MISCOMMUNICATION</b><br />
<br />
I SHOUTED HOW MUCH <br />
I LOVE YOU<br />
YOU ONLY HEARD ME SHOUTING<br />
AT YOU<br />
<br />
<b>ALTERNATE ENDING</b><br />
<br />
I WONDER HOW THIS PLAY<br />
WOULD HAVE ENDED <br />
HAD YOU NOT VACATED THE SEAT <br />
NEXT TO MINE<br />
LEAVING IT OPEN <br />
FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO SIT IN<br />
<br />
<b>FOUNDATION</b><br />
<br />
HAVING INHERITED NO SOLID GROUND<br />
FROM OUR PARENTS <br />
WE BUILT OUR HOME<br />
ON THE ONLY LAND AVAILABLE TO US<br />
THE SHIFTING SAND BY THE SEA<br />
<br />
INEVITABLEY<br />
THE WAVES RUSHED IN<br />
AND TORE US APART<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>ENDING THE BLAME GAME</b><br />
<br />
IT WAS NOT YOU<br />
THAT KILLED THAT PART OF ME<br />
IT WAS I WHO LET IT DIE<br />
<br />
<b>HOW THIS STORY GOES</b><br />
<br />
WE FUCKED EACH OTHER<br />
ON DIRTY SHEETS<br />
<br />
<b>SCREEN PORN</b><br />
<br />
WOMEN,<br />
COME TO FIND OUT,<br />
HAVE MORE THAN <br />
TWO DIMENSIONS<br />
<br />
<b>WHILE UNDER THIS SUN</b><br />
<br />
I HOPE TO NEVER SPEAK TO YOU<br />
IN A VOICE LOUDER <br />
THAN A MUSEUM WHISPER<br />
<br />
<b>WHAT THE BLUE SKY ABOVE DENVER CITY TOLD ME</b><br />
<br />
ON THIS DESERT LIES HOPE<br />
YOU ARE NOT ON THIS DESERT<br />
YOU ARE ON THE ONE BELOW IT<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>FACT</b><br />
<br />
I DO NOT BELIEVE <br />
IN NON-FICTION<br />
<br />
<b>NEAR A TREE</b><br />
<br />
SQUIRRELS ARE FUNNY<br />
BEES ARE AMAZING<br />
<br />
Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-52411179856417522022012-08-13T14:37:00.000-07:002012-08-13T14:37:51.056-07:00Thank God for the ferris wheel<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Thank God for the Ferris Wheel<br />
<br />
I highly anticipate the arrival of the carnival. I do every year; I anticipate it with a forgetful enthusiasm. Over the winter I forget about the inescapable heat, the nausea (caused by greasy food and shaky rides), the long lines of gape mouthed country folk spitting and rubbing their bellies with swollen fingers. I forget about the high-ticket prices and sickly smell of overflowing port-o-potties and cotton candy. These realities have no place in my mind for how the carnival will be this year. <br />
<br />
This year the carnival will be different. It will fulfill my hopes and desires. The lines will be shorter, the rides faster, the food less disgusting and maybe, just maybe I will see you again. <br />
<br />
It was you, wedged in between the raucousness of drunken thrill seekers, that caught my eye. Admist the loud noises and bright lights of a carnival in full swing, you stood gracefully taking it all in. You, a beautiful visage amongst the dull citizenry. <br />
<br />
Thank god for the Ferris wheel. It scooped us up and lifted us above the bedlam below. When we reached the top; a miracle, the Ferris wheel broke. The forty five minutes we stalled out so high above the fray seemed like two days. It was quiet; we talked, and teased and laughed. When we finally kissed the Ferris wheel cranked back to life and we began our slow decent back into the carnival where the drunken masses engulfed us once more. <br />
<br />
I anticipate the arrival of the carnival. I do every year. <br />
Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-36420912770636948712012-08-09T16:30:00.001-07:002012-08-09T16:40:59.638-07:00pine wood screams when it burnsA blaze like a tidal wave tore across the foothills consuming thin, dry pine trees. Clouds of grey ashy smoke carried by the wind settled on the fledgling city of Denver. The spring of 1863 was a dry one. Young Denver City was blanketed by dust, stink and smoke; the inhabitants swam in a vapor of agitation. Everyone Lamar passed on main street was red eyed, coughing and angry. <br />
<br />
Five ponies, tied up outside the saloon, pulled against their restraints desperate to escape the oppressive air of the river basin and seek higher ground above the lid of pollution. A small paint, not more than 12 hands, thrashed and reared nearly snapping the post to which she was tied. The lead rope wrapped around her neck choking her. Her bulging eyes threatened to pop from the pressure.<br />
<br />
Finally a short brown skinned man burst from the saloon and flew at the distressed mare slamming into her chest as she reared back. Lamar heard the snap of her neck as the pony crumpled onto the piss and shit below. <br />
<br />
"This is how you break a pinche caballo cabron." He said in a stew of accents; french, spanish, english and native. All full of lust and fury he pushed his way back into the saloon. <br />
<br />
Lamar followed closely. The wind slammed the saloon door shut behind him.<br />
<br />
*<br />
<br />
As Lamar crossed the sunken floor to the bar he was scanned by broken fragments of sunlight that shone through the crumbling chinking of the dimly lit saloon. The inescapable smog and agitation permeated the log building. <br />
<br />
The men in the bar, gold miners, trappers and traders squinted in the dim light, their eyes watered, many wrapped handkerchiefs around their mouths to filter the brackish air. Lamar, like the rest of the men, drank whiskey to kill the pain. <br />
<br />
As the sun began to set behind the Rockies Denver City was bathed in an eerie orange light that only added to the hellish environment of the town. As dusk arrived the winds died down . The dust and soot began to settle. The men’s lust, fury and agitation, now fueled with whiskey, intensified. <br />
<br />
Lamar’s hardworking back, sore from weeks of scooping and sifting sand and silt from the Platte River in hopes of finding gold began to unclench as the barkeep lit oil lamps. <br />
<br />
"What's the day?" asked Lamar.<br />
<br />
" April 19th" replied the barkeep.<br />
<br />
"Sunday?" asked Lamar.<br />
<br />
"I have no idea?" replied the barkeep.<br />
<br />
*<br />
<br />
The horse killer, a Comanche, was a good foot shorter than any of the other patrons and the only Indian in the bar. The whiskey did not kill his pain; it only served to remind him of it and exacerbated it. He waved his arms wildly above his head. No one took their eyes off of him. Those nearest backed away slowly giving him space. His eyes, all pupils, black as night, took everyone in. All felt endangered. The barkeep was nowhere to be seen.<br />
<br />
The Comanche cocked his head forming his lips around his worn teeth; beginning a war whoop. Miners placed their hands on their pistols. The Comanche placed his hand on his ax. There was still a bounty on Indian scalps but up until now this one's value as a horse trader outweighed the value of his hair. <br />
<br />
His war whoop generated intensity. The air in the bar was murderous. His knuckles whitened on the ax handle. Goldminers fingered their triggers. As the ax slipped from his belt and pistols were freed from their holsters the barkeep, all 260 pounds of him, flew from the bar top slamming the Comanche into the dirt floor. With his wind taken the Comanche was carried outside and deposited next to the stiffening pony. <br />
<br />
“Sleep it off,” said the barkeep.<br />
<br />
*<br />
<br />
Inside, the bar settled back into the normal tension of drinking and lying. <br />
<br />
Lamar, drunk and alone, drifted outside to scalp that Indian before someone else did. <br />
<br />
His approach was heavy with whiskey and fatigue. His hands grasped both ends of his knife. He knew from experience the best way to scalp an Indian is with a pull knife action. Lamar knelt over the blacked out Comanche. Scalping the living was the highest form of scalping; recognized and practiced by both sides of the frontier wars. <br />
<br />
Lamar raised his arms over the Comanche’s head. His plan was to quickly cut and pull. He would deal with whatever came after that. <br />
<br />
The Comanche’s eyes shot open, his hands grabbed Lamar by his throat crushing his windpipe. Lamar fell back over the dead pony, the Comanche’s hand locked onto his neck. Lamar slashed with his knife cutting Comanche, cutting pony, cutting himself. Slashing into the Comanche’s bicep Lamar was finally freed from his death grip. Lamar retreated backward toward the saloon door. The Comanche was on his feet running; crashing into him sending Lamar flying back into the saloon. <br />
<br />
The pressure that had been building in Denver since the forest fires began a week ago, exploded. In the melee an oil lamp was knocked over. The saloon, made of dry pine wood, erupted in flame. That fire set off a chain reaction as the flames passed from log structure to log structure until the whole city was ablaze. In moments from what is now 16th street to the Cherry Creek and from Market to Wazee was destroyed. <br />
<br />
*<br />
The front range was never meant to be permanently inhabited; only migrated through. For thousands of years the confluence of the Cherry Creek and the Platte River was home to temporary encampments of hunters and gathers following seasons and animals. The front range has always been and remains a place to pass through. <br />
<br />
The aftermath of the fire on April 19th, 1863 attempted to change all of that. The industrious inhabitants of Denver, unwilling to leave the potential fortune of gold, began rebuilding in the flood zone of the confluence while the embers of the old city still glowed. This time they built under the confines of a new a law. A law that tried to create permanence on an ever changing landscape. The law that was passed immediately following the fire of 1863 stated that “no structures shall be built of flammable materials”, which was a boon to the brick manufacturers in the area.<br />
<br />
Denver was born and burned on the same day, April 19th 1863. <br />
<br />
*<br />
If you close your eyes and shut your mouth you can still feel the instinct to leave this place. We all feel it, everyone of us. This feeling comes up from the ground itself. It’s inescapable. <br />
<br />
But I also feel the desire to stay. Maybe all the cement and asphalt mute the voice of the land. <br />
<br />
Maybe I stay to see the forests burn, the rivers flood and bison stampede again. <br />
<br />
Maybe I stay because I’ve found you all. <br />
<br />
I stay even when the land itself tells me to go. And I wonder why?<br />
<br />
Maybe because when I close my eyes and shut my mouth I am comfortable with this feeling of not belonging. There is nothing on this planet that belongs to me. <br />
<br />
Or maybe it’s just I can get behind a city that was born of whiskey and fire. At least it’s honest for a white man.Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-38874655149488759322011-04-13T13:05:00.000-07:002011-05-17T06:46:58.102-07:00Interview with Open Media Foundation (excerpt)<span style="font-weight:bold;">Please describe the mission behind your organization/restaurants.</span><br /><br />I would like to answer this in a four parts.<br /><br />Motto, Mission, Vision, Approach<br /><br />Our motto is a line from a Langston Hughes poem.<br /><br />What we want is; To dig and be dug in return. <br /><br />Our mission as a business at it’s most fundamental is to bring in more money than we spend. If we don’t accomplish that it doesn’t matter what other platitudes we write into our mission statement. This is not meant to be glib. Making a dollar in the restaurant business is not easy, spending them is. We have to make excellent decisions every day in order to accomplish our mission. <br /><br />Our vision is to create environments that provide people an escape from the stresses of life. Be it a meal among friends at WaterCourse, or a beer at City, O’ City or reading in a hammock at Osa Mariposa; we want people to feel safe and enjoy. <br /><br />Our approach is to be aware of our inevitable impact on our environment and mitigate it by making choices that represent the most efficient use of limited resources. The prime example of this efficiency is to not serve meat. We accept and honor the fact that we are in the service industry. Our job is to serve. We employ autonomous, intelligent people and give them the tools they need to succeed. We try our best not to waste customers, employees or vendors time. (it’s the most valuable thing). We respect that people work hard for their money and therefore try to provide an equitable exchange in goods and services. We respect work and workers. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Over the past couple of years we have seen a lot of growth/changes for your company/restaurants. Could you please tell us about them?</span><br /><br /><br />Since WaterCourse Foods opened in 1998 there has been continual growth for our businesses. We decide to grow when our current facility cannot supply the demand or we recognize a demand that needs more supply (business 101). Growing a business is delicate and should only be done when needed. Growth is change and as a species we have a hard time accepting change, despite it’s inevitability. Adapting to change is built into the WaterCourse management philosophy. Our philosophy is adopted from Taoism. Taoist philosophy uses water as a central metaphor for understanding life. As a business we try to emulate a river, ever adaptable, always moving, following the path of least resistance around obstacles. This WaterCourse philosophy of adaptability has allowed us as a business to recognize needs and take advantage of opportunities. <br /><br />- <span style="font-weight:bold;">Your company is well-known for its generosity in the community. Could you please share some of the ways that your company has given back to your community?</span><br /><br />Giving back to the community is also built into the WaterCourse philosophy. To continue with the river analogy, the river nourishes the environment around it simply by flowing through it. Because WaterCourse Foods, City, O’ City, WaterCourse Bakery, and Osa Mariposa opening their doors every morning thousands of people and business are supported. Farmers, carpenters, trash collectors, artists, dish washers, beer brewers, sales people, graphic designers, etc. all are able to apply their trade and receive compensation -nourishment- because we run thriving businesses. When these exchanges of goods and services are equitable the businesses that participate continue to thrive. When they are not equitable those businesses tend to dry up. <br /><br />Through our WaterCourse Non-Profit Monday’s we are proud to give regularly to local and national non-profits.. On most Monday’s we host a non-profit that receives proceeds from the day’s sales. There is a minimum dollar amount that needs to be sold before the donation kicks in and the percentage goes up the more business we do. The non-profit is responsible for getting the word out to their mailing list and do outside promotion. WaterCourse uses it’s in-house marketing to promote as well. The more the non-profit promotes the better the sales. So from a marketing angle WaterCourse is being introduced to potentially thousands of new customers. Also we are associated with something they care about. The non-profit can earn a sizable donation simply by having people show up and eat yummy food. It’s a huge win/win. In 2010 we donated over $17,000 to non-profits through our non-profit Monday’s and we intend to give a lot more in 2011. It would be great if more businesses adopted this model. It works.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Please share how you first got involved with OMF </span><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Any exciting plans for your organization(s) on the horizon <br /></span><br /><br /><br />Knowing that our organizations will continually be moving forward, the future is very exciting. One thing I am very proud of is that we own the properties that our businesses reside in. This is allows us to control our own destiny. We are currently expanding City, O’ City. The expansion will include a patio, larger barista area featuring a slow bar, and an open kitchen. We are planning to upsource most of the materials for the construction. <br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Please describe your ideal future for the community here in Denver.<br /></span><br />My ideal Denver is recognized and respected internationally for producing some of the greatest thinkers and artists of our time. My ideal Denver supports it’s artists to produce and sell art. I would love it if art galleries in Milan, Berlin, Mexico City are all clamoring to get Denver artists to show in their galleries. <br /><br />My ideal Denver has more multi-cultural events. There are so many great communities in this city that need to get to know each other better and work together.Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3619673226174547794.post-48915080382435675412011-02-10T08:27:00.000-08:002011-02-10T08:34:41.071-08:00Fuck you Bourdain- an article I wrote for the westword in 2010<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; "><div class="content_head" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 10px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; clear: both; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><h1 class="headline" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 32px; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-weight: normal; line-height: 35px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-bottom-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-width: initial; border-color: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.6pt;line-height:16.3pt;vertical-align: baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">The bar where I was meeting my chefs before the show was packed. The hearth-fire lighting glowed in prisms of condensation on the windows; jackets and scarves were hanging on hooks and draped over chairs. The five of us squeezed around the corner of the wide, hickory-topped bar, aged and oiled by elbows and worn smooth with conversation. I ordered my October-through-January standard: ten ounces of the Great Divide's Hibernation Ale pulled off the tap and a shot of Stranahan's Colorado Whiskey with two ice cubes. In Denver our air is thin, but our intoxicants are not. We have a culture of strong beer and strong whiskey, and I am extremely fortunate to be able to imbibe the creations of people I know and respect. This connection makes the love and appreciation of the drink that much deeper — and the buzz that much warmer. People continued to flow into the bar, blowing on their hands, stomping the snow off their shoes, looking for a place to sit. Like I said, the bar was packed, standing room only. I was happy with this, because it was my bar.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.6pt;line-height:16.3pt;vertical-align: baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 12px; ">Going to the show was not my idea. Sure, I'd heard of the guy, but I wasn't really familiar with him, had never read his books, never seen his TV program. But my chefs were unanimous in their desire to see him. "Why pay seventy dollars a ticket to see a guy talk about what we do every day?" I asked. They remained unified, though, so I acquiesced and ordered tickets the same way 90 percent of people order wine: I looked at the cheapest and most expensive offerings and chose something right in the middle. The balcony.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.6pt;line-height:16.3pt;vertical-align: baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 16.3pt;vertical-align:baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">The crowd outside the Buell was younger and more stylish than I expected, which lifted my hopes — until I found out they were going to see</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/Ray+LaMontagne" title="Ray LaMontagne"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000; text-decoration:none;text-underline:none">Ray LaMontagne</span></a></span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">in the theater next door. "Are you guys sure you'd rather not see Ray?" I asked, trying to push a last-minute agenda. But my chefs are savvy to my tricks and held fast to the original plan.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 16.3pt;vertical-align:baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">The crowd inside the Buell looked as if they'd spent some quality time on the couch. I think I saw</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/Jason+Sheehan" title="Jason Sheehan"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000;text-decoration:none;text-underline: none">Jason Sheehan</span></a>,</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><i><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black;border:none windowtext 1.0pt;mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in;padding:0in">Westword</span></i><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black">'s meat-toothed restaurant critic, all shifty-eyed, lurking in the corner, wearing a black trench coat and a fan boy T-shirt, doing some serious mouth-breathing.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 16.3pt;vertical-align:baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">Grabbing another round of drinks, my crew and I headed for our seats. I don't think there is an American alive who can sit in a balcony and not look around for</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/John+Wilkes+Booth" title="John Wilkes Booth"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000; text-decoration:none;text-underline:none">John Wilkes Booth</span></a>. We joked, did a few assassination reenactments, started talking about Kennedy and vampires. Texts starting arriving from friends who'd scoped us from seats below and invariably made reference to Lincoln. We gave them delicate rodeo-queen waves and settled in.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 16.3pt;vertical-align:baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/John+Hickenlooper" title="John Hickenlooper"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000; text-decoration:none;text-underline:none">John Hickenlooper</span></a>, the mayor of Denver, who's steeped in restaurant cred, introduced "Tony," the best-selling author of tell-all restaurant industry books, and presented him with a beer to the city, a well-selected Great Divide Titan IPA.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.6pt;line-height:16.3pt;vertical-align: baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">Tony started out by admitting that the scene in little ol' Denver doesn't suck as bad as it used to, and then, casually sipping his beer, revealed, "I don't prepare for these engagements."<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.6pt;line-height:16.3pt;vertical-align: baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">Damn, really? Seventy bucks a ticket to see this dude wing it? I strained my ears for the strum of Ray's guitar.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 16.3pt;vertical-align:baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">He continued by trashing celebrity chefs. He threw some shots at a short, round chick with an annoying voice who has a cooking show, bagged on a dude with spiky blond hair and sunglasses on the back of his head from some other</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family: "Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/The+Television+Food+Network+GP" title="The Television Food Network GP"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt; color:#660000;text-decoration:none;text-underline:none">Food Network</span></a></span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">show. The crowd, obvious fans of cooking shows, prodded him on with sardonic laughter and hoots of agreement. I, however, was completely lost. Not only had I never seen Tony's show, but I'd only watched one Food Network show in my life, and that's because I was on it. And that show sucked.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 16.3pt;vertical-align:baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">After the crowd-pleasing Food Network ribbing, he carried on about his show on the</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/The+Travel+Channel" title="The Travel Channel"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000; text-decoration:none;text-underline:none">Travel Channel</span></a>, everyone's dream job: travel the world with your mouth and your guts. His stories of eating his way through parts of</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/Vietnam" title="Vietnam"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000;text-decoration:none;text-underline: none">Vietnam</span></a>,</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/Morocco" title="Morocco"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000;text-decoration:none;text-underline: none">Morocco</span></a></span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black">and other exotic locales were told with an easy confidence; he spoke of sitting at the table, sharing food and drink with people and learning about their culture. "When in another country, I eat what I'm offered because I don't want to insult the host," he said (or close enough). He allowed those words to settle in, then followed with this: "Which is why I have such a problem with fucking vegetarians." The crowd erupted in hoots and hollers of support that seemed to carry on for minutes. I heard guffaws and saw high-fives being exchanged; was that Sheehan pumping his fist in the air? Our friends below looked up to see our reaction. What could we do but smile?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.6pt;line-height:16.3pt;vertical-align: baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">Really, though? Fuck you, Bourdain. And fuck you, too, John Wilkes Booth.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 16.3pt;vertical-align:baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">I recall that evening while sitting on a wooden bench in front of a food stall in the</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/Mercado+Juarez" title="Mercado Juarez"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000;text-decoration:none;text-underline: none">Mercado Juárez</span></a></span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black">in</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/Oaxaca" title="Oaxaca"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000;text-decoration:none;text-underline: none">Oaxaca</span></a></span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black">City with</span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black;border:none windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt:none windowtext 0in;padding:0in">mi socio en negocios,</span></i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">my business partner,</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/Dave+Paco" title="Dave Paco"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000;text-decoration:none;text-underline: none">Dave Paco</span></a>. We order two</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black;border:none windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt:none windowtext 0in;padding:0in">copas de mezcal</span></i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">as an aperitif, to celebrate successfully navigating the labyrinth that is Mexican bureaucracy and finally becoming a legal business in this country. We wave off the training wheels of orange slices and chile salt and sip the liquor. Mezcal is not tequila; mezcal is magic. If you were to lick the perspiration off Mother Earth's upper lip after an afternoon delight, her sweet sweat would taste of great mezcal.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.6pt;line-height:16.3pt;vertical-align: baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">"On your travels, have you ever offended someone because you don't eat meat?" I ask Dave.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.6pt;line-height:16.3pt;vertical-align: baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">"Offended anyone?" He cocks his head, then says simply, "No."<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.6pt;line-height:16.3pt;vertical-align: baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 16.3pt;vertical-align:baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">I ask him this question because before he, my wife, Michelle, and I opened Osa Mariposa, a travel hostel in Puerto</span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/Escondido" title="Escondido"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000">Escondido</span></a>, Oaxaca, he spent five years traveling the globe. Not the REI khaki zip-off pants, collapsible trekking poles in</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/Nepal" title="Nepal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000">Nepal</span></a>, photos in front of</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/Angel+Falls" title="Angel Falls"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000">Angel Falls</span></a>, eco-tourist kind of travel the globe, but the live on ten dollars a day, ingratiate yourself in the community by learning the language, sleep with local girls and work under the table kind of way. He's had a book published about his two-and-a-half-year journey from Los Angeles to</span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/Tierra+del+Fuego" title="Tierra del Fuego"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000">Tierra del Fuego</span></a>, called</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><i><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black;border:none windowtext 1.0pt;mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in;padding:0in">Walk</span></i><span style="font-size:9.0pt; font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black">(<a href="http://www.frederickpublishing.com/"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;color:#660000">www.frederickpublishing.com</span></a>); another book is coming out about his travels through India,</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/Thailand" title="Thailand"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000">Thailand</span></a>,</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/Japan" title="Japan"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000">Japan</span></a></span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">and more. After all his travels, his</span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/Facebook+Inc." title="Facebook Inc."><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000">Facebook</span></a></span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">friends page looks like a casting-call list for a</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/Benetton+Group+SpA" title="Benetton Group SpA"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000">Benetton</span></a></span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">commercial.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 16.3pt;vertical-align:baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">The</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><i><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black;border:none windowtext 1.0pt;mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in;padding:0in">abuelita</span></i><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black">who works the market food stall asks what we would like to eat. For me, it's easy:</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black;border:none windowtext 1.0pt;mso-border-alt:none windowtext 0in; padding:0in">flor de calabasas</span></i><span style="font-size:9.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black">stuffed with</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black;border:none windowtext 1.0pt;mso-border-alt:none windowtext 0in; padding:0in">queso Oaxacana.</span></i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black">Even though the dish is vegetarian, the sweet little grandmother cooking the food does not seem offended at all. But Dave's a vegan, and now his ordering dance begins:</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black;border:none windowtext 1.0pt;mso-border-alt:none windowtext 0in; padding:0in">Tú tienes comida sin carne, sin queso?</span></i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">(Do you have food without meat or cheese?) I have witnessed this dance a hundred times before with Dave, and the response is always the same:</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black;border:none windowtext 1.0pt;mso-border-alt:none windowtext 0in; padding:0in">Si, tenemos comida con pollo o pescado</span></i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black">.</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black;border:none windowtext 1.0pt;mso-border-alt:none windowtext 0in; padding:0in">(</span></i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">Yes, we have dishes with chicken or fish.) Then Dave's patent reply:</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family: "Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;color:black"> </span><i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family: "Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;color:black;border:none windowtext 1.0pt;mso-border-alt:none windowtext 0in; padding:0in">Gracias, pero sin pollo y sin pescado. (</span></i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black">Thank you, but without chicken or fish.) The grandmother gets a little concerned at this point:</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family: "Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;color:black"> </span><i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family: "Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;color:black;border:none windowtext 1.0pt;mso-border-alt:none windowtext 0in; padding:0in">No carne, no queso, no pollo y no pescado?</span></i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">she asks.</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><i><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black;border:none windowtext 1.0pt;mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in;padding:0in">Sí, perfecto, solamente verduras,</span></i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">only vegetables, Dave concludes.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 16.3pt;vertical-align:baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">In all the times I've witnessed these exchanges, I have never seen the grandmothers take offense. Quite the contrary: There's invariably a tenderness and a grandmotherly smile. I imagine her saying to herself,</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black;border:none windowtext 1.0pt;mso-border-alt:none windowtext 0in; padding:0in">Pobrecito, él no es más grande que un pito de abeja.</span></i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">The poor child is as skinny as a bee's dick.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 16.3pt;vertical-align:baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">The grandmother's long silver hair is braided with colorful ribbons and tied around her head like a wreath. Her small body moves efficiently in the compact kitchen as she pulls ingredients from ceramic bowls and cooks on a simple propane burner. She shuffles over to another stall to borrow an ingredient and then returns to the cooking. The food arrives at our table. My plate is beautiful: huge yellow squash blossoms stuffed with a gamey white cheese and fried in an egg-and-flour batter, then topped with a piquant green salsa and served with the ubiquitous black beans and corn tortillas. What she presents Dave with is even more magnificent: a plate-sized</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black;border:none windowtext 1.0pt;mso-border-alt:none windowtext 0in; padding:0in">tlayuda</span></i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">, a popular Oaxacan dish that's like a large tostada. The crisp corn tortilla is topped with black beans, sautéed mushrooms, nopales (cactus), lettuce, avocado and tomatoes.</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><i><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black;border:none windowtext 1.0pt;mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in;padding:0in">Solamente verduras.</span></i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">Then she sets down a bowl of smoky salsa that has such kick it should be applied with a steady hand, and wishes us</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black;border:none windowtext 1.0pt;mso-border-alt:none windowtext 0in; padding:0in">buen provecho:</span></i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black">good appetite.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 16.3pt;vertical-align:baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">The afternoon turns to night as we continue to get mezcalized, a clean fade that leaves you in control of your faculties and, if you don't mix in any other type of alcohol,</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><i><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black;border:none windowtext 1.0pt;mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in;padding:0in">sin</span></i><span style="font-size:9.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black">hangover. We move on to Los Danzantes<i><span style="border:none windowtext 1.0pt;mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in;padding:0in">,</span></i></span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black">a restaurant where we hook up with Horacio, a local bartender who invented the</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black;border:none windowtext 1.0pt;mso-border-alt:none windowtext 0in; padding:0in">canallegra,</span></i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black">a mezcal cocktail with cinnamon sticks and citrus. Around the corner from Los Danzantes is a tiny mezcalería where</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/Juan+Pedro" title="Juan Pedro"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000">Juan Pedro</span></a></span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black">tours us on different types of mezcal — from sweet and smoky to strong and earthy — and between varieties has us sniff coffee beans to clear our senses. Hungry again, we have dinner at Biznaga<i><span style="border:none windowtext 1.0pt;mso-border-alt:none windowtext 0in; padding:0in">,</span></i></span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black">where I scrape my plate clean of the succulent</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><i><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black;border:none windowtext 1.0pt;mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in;padding:0in">mole tamarindo.</span></i><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black"> </span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">By midnight we are at a club dancing salsa to a ten-piece Cuban band with Lucia,</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/Salvador" title="Salvador"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000">Salvador</span></a>, Maria and<a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/Santiago" title="Santiago"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000">Santiago</span></a>.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 16.3pt;vertical-align:baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">Through my travels, as a vegetarian and not, I am becoming a citizen of the world. I do my very best to never offend a host, and, minus a non-food-related incident on the</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/Amalfi+Coast" title="Amalfi Coast"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000">Amalfi Coast</span></a>, don't think I ever have.</span><span style="font-size:9.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"> </span><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;color:black"><a href="http://www.westword.com/related/to/Anthony+Bourdain" title="Anthony Bourdain"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;color:#660000">Anthony Bourdain</span></a>'s "fucking vegetarians" comment, while an obvious crowd-pleaser, was naive, implying that foreign countries have a homogeneous culture that can be offended by one particular act. In every country, in every city, in every town, there are a variety of cultures. There is the dominant one and then there are the glorious and varied subcultures. In my travels, I seek the subcultures. The subcultures are where I thrive, where I spend my time, and by running two vegetarian restaurants and a vegan bakery in Denver, they are where I make my money.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:13.6pt;line-height:16.3pt;vertical-align: baseline"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Georgia","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Arial; color:black">I am very proud of Denver's culture of strong beer and strong whiskey, but if you don't drink, don't worry: I won't be offended. We'll find something else to share.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p></p><p></p></h1></div></span>Daniel Landeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11037255855909802898noreply@blogger.com0